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Comment count is 30
Meerkat - 2012-03-19

OOH OOH I GOT ONE

IN THE EMPTY SPACE INSIDE OF THE CEMENT STOOP ATTACHED TO MRS. SHEINSWARTZERFURGER'S TINY HOUSE THERE IS A SPECIAL TINY SHOP THAT CATERS TO TINY GREEN DUCKS!

THE QUACKERS!

BUT NOT FAR AWAY LITTLE JOEY SMERTZ IS RIDING HIS TRICYCLE! AND HE ALWAYS RIDES ON PEOPLES' LAWNS!

THE QUACKERS!


IrishWhiskey - 2012-03-19

Sorry, but by naming the ducks something species appropriate and by giving the villain a motivation that could conceivably put him into conflict with the protagonists, you've made two more logical connections than this cartoon did.

Drink some turpentine and try again.


Xenocide - 2012-03-19

I like this game.


Deep inside every bag of microwave popcorn, there are always a few kernels that never quite get popped. Shunned by society, these unpopped kernels have banded together, and are now responsible for that buzzing noise you hear when you turn on the light in certain bathrooms. Without their tireless efforts, society would surely collapse. For they are...THE CORNOS!

But meanwhile in Austria, the nation's favorite son, Kaiser Wolfgang Von Pianomusic, is busy composing a symphony. It is beautiful!

THE END!


Binro the Heretic - 2012-03-19

You know those little crackers shaped like goldfish?

If they escape being eaten, they hide under your kid's bed and build a little city from their lost toys.

I'm not making that up, by the way. It's a real ad campaign.

You just know it's going to be parlayed into a feature-length movie.


Chalkdust - 2012-03-19

500 years ago, in the attic of a Shinto temple, the last remaining family of a mysterious race of tiny cats with dragonfly wings called the Cowflops discovered an ancient oriental magic spell that granted them the power to control the weather.

Now, with the help of a benevolent space alien named Steven, they travel through time from attic to attic hoping to find the rest of their kind so they can defend the Garden of Eden against lava monsters!

COWFLOPS!


memedumpster - 2012-03-20

In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth, and the earth was void and without form, and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the spirit of God moved over the darkness and said "DUUUUUPE!" The POEBEARS!


craptacular - 2012-03-20

chalkdust wins


fedex - 2012-03-20

Wait for it...


***ALIENS***


Oh Snap!


Architeuthis Tux - 2012-03-20

Once upon a time in the magical kingdom of SPRINKLER NOZZLE a benevolent snail named MISTRESS SLACKBUTTON tries to keep his collection of pocket-dimensions organized. Unbeknownst to him, a flatulent robber/priest named TURTLES has developed a case of fizzy poot-spores. The only way to save the kingdom of SPRINKLER NOZZLE is for MISTRESS SLACKBUTTON to invent a pogo-joystick that can control the giant SEGWAY of BLUEBERRIES and convince TURTLES to fart in a swimming pool.

To do that he will need to enlist the aid of a lovable band of CAECILIAN BURSARS, a crotchety old CHEESE MINER, and everyone's favorite child/religious icon BABY JESUS POTATO.


Rodents of Unusual Size - 2012-03-21

Far, far away in an abandoned Russian heavy chemicals factory, a tiny band of deformed midgets decided never to grow up, and became a band of traveling fudge salesmen, with a magic spell cast on them to play the tuba whenever they saw Siegfried and Roy!

THE GUNTERGRASSES!

Meanwhile, in a Burmese child army camp, a magic talking bucket of piss comes magically to life! Following him are an army of giant mutant locusts with multiple heads all named Chuck! The two magically collide when an interracial ghost family hosts a convention for reincarnated health inspectors and sends them to hunt down

THE GUNTERGRASSES!

And soon they all find that they have a common enemy in a wisecracking, crossdressing vaudeville actor and a hippy named Hiram Bingham, both of whom are immortal vampires on the lam from the FBI after impersonating Elvis Presley!


Bort - 2012-03-19

So ... is King Max's money in escrow? I'm not sure I understand this.


The Townleybomb - 2012-03-20

When this was aired in Japan, the title was actually "Magical Dog Escrow Pond"


dairyqueenlatifah - 2012-03-20

Thanks for making me laugh.


Bort - 2012-03-21

Seconded!


Caminante Nocturno - 2012-03-19

The shaky-cam and guitar riff that accompanied King Max's castle make me think that his treasure is actually a gigantic pile of drugs, and he just keeps forgetting that he used them all up.

Actually, that's probably a much better plot than whatever the hell this show had.


animegurl1000 - 2012-03-20

The plates of half-eaten food really top it off.


Xenocide - 2012-03-19

Kids like Smurfs. Kids like dogs. The rest will write itself.


Binro the Heretic - 2012-03-19

Oh, dear god. I remember this.

The Smurfs were at the height of their popularity and everyone was trying to duplicate their success.

Those were dark days.


SteamPoweredKleenex - 2012-03-19

There were also a great many budding medievalists (read: D&D players) who would watch nearly anything with castles in it.

Even so, the Dragon's Lair cartoon somehow managed to only last 13 or so episodes, I think.


Jet Bin Fever - 2012-03-19

Better than that infamous 90s cartoon, The Bizkits.


Crunchy Frog - 2012-03-20

For maximum evil, find the special "preview new CBS cartoons for fall 1983" TV show. Featuring James Best (TV's Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane) throwing out corny gags and acting amazingly excited about every new show.

On the plus side, the Dungeons & Dragons cartoon and Saturday Supercade also premiered on CBS that fall.


Binro the Heretic - 2012-03-20

The D&D cartoon was actually great. The episodes were written by Mark Evanier and, despite a cookie-cutter premise and a lot of executive meddling, he still made some great episodes and decent characters.

Also, Ralph from "Happy Days" was the voice of the cavalier and Optimus Prime was the voice of the main bad guy.


fatatty - 2012-03-20

Shecky!


cognitivedissonance - 2012-03-20

He is a king whose only subject seems to be his court jester and has to hunt for his own stolen treasure pretty much by himself.

He doesn't really understand what the word "king" means.


Caminante Nocturno - 2012-03-20

I think Metallica wrote a song about him.


Doomstein - 2012-03-20

It's like an animation studio wanted to do Kurosawa's 'Ran', but put two dudes in charge from a corporate management incubator in Simi Valley who didn't watch the movie, hated Japan, and hated animation in general. After months of revisions, cocaine, and firings over creative differences, we got The Biskitts!


Bort - 2012-03-20

I heart this thread.


chumbucket - 2012-03-20

The tag "Horrible cartoon infinity" and the subsequent comment thread make this the greatest link I've clicked on all day.


Rudy - 2012-03-20

thems were some tiny-assed dogs yo


Rodents of Unusual Size - 2012-03-21

I have never heard of this, and that is saying something. I have researched some pretty obscure crapola from that era. And why wouldn't the villain have a giant cat?


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