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Desc:According to this guy, a thirteen year old is not a kid.
Tags:creepy, ham, somethingawful, TV Tropes, teenagers are still kids buddy
Submitted:Macho Nacho
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Comment count is 48
SteamPoweredKleenex - 2012-05-09
"How mature a person is?"

Either he's got some magical (if not legally) measurable method for determining maturity to at least two decimal places, or he's arguing that he never really grew up much past the age of 13 and would like to continue trolling Hot Topic for someone who won't call the cops on him again.
Doomstein - 2012-05-09
Hey pal, getting six inches from a 13 year old girl shopping in Hot Topic while leering and wringing your hands IS NOT ILLEGAL!!!

Walking up behind her and softly blowing in her ear while she looks at Invader Zim backpacks IS NOT ASSAULT!!!

Cornering her in the store and not letting her leave until she gives you her phone number IS NOT HARASSMENT!!!

Tracking her to her house by backtracking her mom's car's license plate when she comes to pick her up IS NOT STALKING!!!

Showing up at her bedroom window at 2am to ask her out on a date or to come inside IS SOMETHING MATURE GROWNUPS DO GODDAMMIT!!!

Sudan no1 - 2012-05-09
He speaks ill of the prime directive, burn him.

Burn him again for being a ped. This is why playgrounds have fences.
Cherry Pop Culture - 2012-05-09
Holy balls. This guy.

Me, being a loser in Northern California with no job, decided to browse the internet. God only knows. Being Chris-Chan's "fan," I went to the 789 boards to see what trouble he has gotten into. Nothing too much, however plenty of posters are looking for a new jackass to point and laugh at. And this guy popped up. The OP pointed out this guy was sending sexually harassing messages to a 15 year old. Since he couldn't take no for an answer, he got his fat ass banned. There were several vids on the board I wanted to watch, but they were taken down. This is the first time I've seen him. He's ugly (both inside and out), so dim-witted, he thinks a good argument is calling a stranger on the internet a fucktard over and over again, and I think I can smell his stank-ass breath over YouTube.

He reminds me a sad sack I knew about two years ago. Both dudes look alike and can't take 'no' for an answer. These dudes think they are owed sex/attention/something or other from women. The girl he had a "thing" for before me was a stoner with the body of a ten year old boy.

I try to wear my nerdiness with pride, but I feel like too many of these types exist both online and off in geeky fandoms.

...What am I saying, I KNOW they exist *shudder*
SteamPoweredKleenex - 2012-05-09
He closed his account (this video was uploaded by someone else), so the dreaded "REDDDDSKULL" is lurking elsewhere, hopefully with some kind of electronic anklet.

Doomstein - 2012-05-09
I actually couldn't get though the whole video. The arrogance, ugliness, close-ups of his mouth, and the slobbering about how he DESERVES to be able to stick it in 13 year old girls... he makes Chris-Chan's childlike bumbling seem downright charming.

TimidAres - 2012-05-09
Hookerbot guy doesn't seem so bad now, eh?

SteamPoweredKleenex - 2012-05-09
Instead of comparing the two, I'm starting a phobia of being near anyone who looks like a melting potato.

Blue - 2012-05-09
Grow a mustache or don't, asshole.

Quad9Damage - 2012-05-09
I mean what the fuck? What the fuck, statutory rape laws? What the fuck? What the fuckin fuckin fuck's goin on? I don't fuckin understand! I don't understand! Fuck!
Rudy - 2012-05-09

Sudan no1 - 2012-05-09

Quad9Damage - 2012-05-09

TimidAres - 2012-05-10
That's Judge Dredd.

Quad9Damage - 2012-05-10
Yep, I fucked that up :-/

Quad9Damage - 2012-05-09
Holy fuckballs, please tell me this guy is a troll. My friend has a 13-year-old daughter. She is a child. Every 13-year-old I have ever met, friend's kids, little cousins, whatever, was a child. When I was 13, *I* was a child. I fail to understand his logic that crossing over from 12 to 13 magically changes juveniles into rational thinking adults who are capable of making responsible decisions. But it wouldn't surprise me if any 13 year old suddenly got full knowledge of why those laws exist Matrix'd into their brain if this fat fuck with his gaping donkey lips was hovering over them. Ew ew ew.
TimidAres - 2012-05-09
Didn't you get it?
It's not twelve, it's thirteen. Thir-TEEN.

fedex - 2012-05-09
Hell, I know plenty of 20+ year olds I couldn't honestly say have matured into adults

dead_cat - 2012-05-10
If he is, there's thousands more just like him who aren't trolling.

TimidAres - 2012-05-09
The...the arrogance....
I can't rate this with confidence because I couldn't even finish the video.
This shitbag is insufferable in every way imaginable: those beady eyes, those quivering apple-John jowls, that disgusting split-toothed maw that undoubtedly reeks of rancid soda and pizza rolls, and that god-damned wattle hanging off his chin. Needs the "punchable" tag.
I would be horrified to bring a child in this world today knowing pedo-nauts like this guy now exist in abundance.
I love and hate the Internet because while it's easier to monitor people like this nowadays, it's also been made apparent that there's a LOT of creepers out there.
Its no doubt the internet encourages behavior like this. We also live in an age where you can learn intimate details about a person without even having to leave your home, and browse photos of them without ever meeting them.
As much as I hate people like this, I wouldn't mind watching trolls bring about his downfall.
Quad9Damage - 2012-05-09
So five evil-stars? Five not-stars? Starring is pretty loosely ruled around here.

TimidAres - 2012-05-09
5 for evil then.
I suppose I would be missing the point of this site if I rated it otherwise.

Old_Zircon - 2012-05-09
People like this have always existed in abundance, it's just that now they have a media platform.

SteamPoweredKleenex - 2012-05-09
Could be, but this guy has yanked everything with his nickname attached to it. You can still see some remains via Google cache.

On a related note, when trying to look up if he'd spouted any other "wisdom," I'm amazed at how many video sites not only embed stuff from YouTube, but embed all of their comments as well.

SixDigitDebt - 2012-05-09
5 stars for an evil pedophile piece of shit.

I don't care to be prosaic or elucidate on that. This clown does not deserve it.
zerobackup - 2012-05-09
5 because I haven't even watched the vid. I just read the descriptions in the previous comments and decided I didn't want to fuck my day up by looking at a weird pedo be a weird pedo for 5:42.
CIWB - 2012-05-09
Gross. I can't tell how old this creeper is to judge how truly disgusting he is, because a layer of fat covers his feminine facial features. He could be 16 or 35.

Nikon - 2012-05-09
Jet Bin Fever - 2012-05-09
Is this going to be one of those times when a week from now someone finds a news clip about this guy feeling up a tween?
Blue - 2012-05-09
According to this guy and Jewish tradition! Why do you guys hate Jews so much?
Blue - 2012-05-09
I'd like to also point out that he's not technically a pedophile, he's an ephebophile. I can see why you'd make that mistake, he looks like he has a pedophile mustache. It's actually a dogfucker mustache.

Vicious - 2013-04-15
Oh goody, Blue is going to give us a religious insight!

Please proceed.

EvilHomer - 2013-04-15
Blue's been dead for almost a year. She's not going to give us anything.

jimmicampkin - 2012-05-09
Is this really what happened to Kurt Angle?
Robin Kestrel - 2012-05-09
Guy with epic "Queen of Hearts"-lips doesn't understand why it is wrong to have sex with people who are below the age required to be able to legally consent to it.
deadpan - 2012-05-09
Genuinely surprised this sputtering human cyst didn't get a Star Trek reference. It's probably too mature for him.
memedumpster - 2012-05-09
Just when you thought you didn't owe the people who just want to bang their cars, or a fairground ride, an apology.
Caminante Nocturno - 2012-05-09
This person is a baffling anomaly that should not exist.
The Mothership - 2012-05-09
This is the motherfucker I'm warning my daughter about.
Scrotum H. Vainglorious - 2012-05-09
What in the hell is the matter with you Pvt Pyle? I'll bet you if there was some 13 year old pussy up there on top of that obstacle you could get up there! Couldn't you?!
TimidAres - 2012-05-10
Get down from my obstacle! Get the FUCK down from my obstacle, you sack of shit!

themilkshark - 2012-05-11
I'd LOVE to see his Chris Hansen interview.
MissLadyArtemis - 2012-08-14
Dude can't finish a sentence? The clinical definition of rape is - and then he never tells us what he thinks the clinical definition is. Now, I'll never know.
Quad9Damage - 2013-02-27
This guy has returned to YouTube as VoiceOfTheAccuser, and has made a crusade out of threatening the persons and daughters/sisters/nieces cousins of every commenter who said something mean about him over the last nine months, including me. I shouldn't care about this. I mean, this guy couldn't run fast enough to catch my nieces and cousins without his lungs exploding first. But I've been really sick the past week, and I'm not in the mood to have a psycho threatening me.
John Holmes Motherfucker - 2014-06-14
Sweet Baby Jesus!

First off, fuck this guy, Let's just assume that he's not a sex offender for just a moment. He's incredibly stupid and wrong. A few years to grow up before you start fucking up your life is a gift that society gives young people. It goes with living longer lives. It's needed to navigate a more complex society with more choices. If they were to consider bumping up the age of consent a couple of years, I might support the idea.

In a related matter,I have a problem when severe penalties, including sex offender registration,are meted out to children for underage sex and child pornography, . I seem to be hearing about this more and more. If the rationale for statuatory raoe is that young people can't give responsible consent, how can they be responsible enough to be charged with a felony? I think the rationale is something like "we must protect our children,even if we have to destroy the lives of other people's children." It's like drug laws, which are mostly enforced against black people's children.
John Holmes Motherfucker - 2014-06-15
Okay, I just got through the whole thing. He complains about someone just using "It's creepy." as an argument. That's not very compelling, but he's worse. He just keeps repeating that "a teenager is not a kid" over and over, and that statuatory rape is not rape. But statutory rape IS rape, and a teenager IS a kid. Since statutory rape is indeed creepy, the person he's complaining about is at least more factually accurate than he is.
EvilHomer - 2014-06-15
"John Holmes Motherfucker commented on Why Statutory Rape Laws are Wrong"

TheInternetisFullofGenitals - 2015-05-05
Good lord. Five stars for evil.

Also, even if statutory rape laws weren't a thing he'd still run afoul of regular rape laws because no 13 year old would want this disgusting piece of shit's dick anywhere near them.
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