I recognized Mike Polk Jr. by his cat. His stupid fucking cat.

One time, when I was a small boy at the mall, some guy lured me into the Footlocker and gave me a bunch of posters, and the only one I ever bothered putting up was one of Bernie Kosar. From that day on, I have been a fair-weather fan of the Browns.

Also, my uncle from Kosovo who shares the same name as me (let's call him Uncle Toenails) was such a great kicker at his Division II team that he was invited to Cleveland to try out for the Browns.

One more thing, since I'm a fair-weather fan of the Browns, I've never rooted for those losers as long as I've been alive.

This was the last year for me. With "genius" Mike Holmgren running the show, the Browns refused to give away the farm for one of the best quarterback prospects in years, and then proceeded immediately to give away the farm for a motherfucking halfback. No more. I'm rooting for the Saints, because they are willing to cheat to win.