he would probably run neighborhood cats and dogs through the reels

Nah, he'd just use this to publicly torture animals to demonstrate "the perils of moving pictures" and promote his radio company as safer to use.

Dammit, beaten by chairs.

He would probably go "Are those kike names in the credit inserts? Are you telling me Jews are making movies with my patented cinematic films? Are people not happy with Birth of a Nation?" Then he would call a bunch of his patent enforcement thugs to go break up all the non-Protestant film production companies that use imported film by destroying their footage, except he'd find that he didn't know how to use the new phone systems and that also all of his thugs died a long time ago.

These are all things that Edison actually did.

Presumably he'd catch the boat to France and assassinate the Lumiere Brothers.

As hallucinations go, this one doesn't look too bad.

"Ariel starts following poor House everywhere, even when he is trying to relax in his bathroom."

Oh god, choking, I am choking from laughter. This is absolutely spectacular.

This comment manages to actually out-weird/creepy the video.