I love that there was a press conference to cover this.

CHiPs

There's so much to love about this.

The report starts out with a "woman on the street" interview for a reporter must have asked "What sort of chips do people in this neighborhood prefer?", the voiceover's cavalcade of poorly planned puns, the idea that a woman would have a garageful of barbeque potato chips and be very protective of them, and the Police Sergeant trying to pretend like this is a serious issue, but he just can not fucking do it.

The greatest slow news night ever? This story could have taken 30 seconds to report

Nothing interesting ever happens in this fucking city. >:/

Tonight's news report brought to you by Zellers and Ma Bell.

This is incredibly important news! You guys just don't know how hard those chips are to obtain!

As a man who was born and raised in Saanich, BC, Canada, I don't see anything wrong with this report. We take our snacks seriously here. Very seriously.

By the way, for those that don't know what Zellers is and can't figure out from the exterior shot: it's Canadian Wal-Mart/K-Mart/Target.

Since when would chip packaging be described as "effervescent"?

The news from Canada!

Counseling and dip have been provided to the victim, but not her dog. Dogs aren't allowed human food.