I was hoping for some speculation about how alcohol was brought to Earth by ancient assonauts.

Do I want to know what an 'assonaut' is? I don't think I do.

Oh yeah you do: http://poetv.com/video.php?vid=103461

Then click on the Giorgo Tsoukalos tag in the above link for further insight.

I know someone who unironically believes that.

There are plenty of people that hink Terrence McKenna is a genius.

This makes me happy.

He keeps using the word Narcotic like a cop.

you keep making comments that greatly confuse me

Yeah or psychotropic or psilocybin or psilocin or anything else vaguely accurate because only dumb motherfuckers who actually use the phrase "Magic Mushrooms" know how to find them. In fact, if you know the proper words for how, where, and what to find them in - give up Special Agent Smartypants, you've got no chance. Unless you keep your whiteguy dreads in a knitted bag, leave it to the professionals.

The word is psychedelic. And yes, leave it to the professionals. I don't recommend doing mushrooms with people that aren't dirty hippies. Particularly if they are or might be cops.

The knitted bag/dreads thing makes the mushrooms think you're one of them and they'll feel safe enough to come out. That's mushroom hunting 101.