This would have been the greatest thing in history to witness.

Just like, this fucking dickhead of a kid driving around his lawnmower. A car halts in the road, THAT man gets out, waddles furiously toward the kid, clotheslines him to the ground, strikes a majestic Tebow, and drives off.

I am adding Real American Hero tag.

From the news report:

"The assault came after the teenager--who was cutting grass in front of his family’s home--drove a riding mower 'on the road, apparently into the path of' McCosby’s oncoming vehicle, cops reported. After exiting his car, McCosby approached the boy and 'knocked the juvenile off the lawn mower and assaulted him in the front yard of the residence,' investigators alleged.

In announcing McCosby’s arrest, cops noted that, 'After the assault, and prior to fleeing the scene, McCosby got onto his knee in what appeared to be a prayer. Witnesses described it as a 'Tebow'.' "

Tebowing? or a fatass catching his breath

It would have been even better if he Stone Cold Stunnered him and his entire family, but that's asking too much.

In a perfect world that would've happened.

No, in a perfect world, he would have stone cold shoved his face in the spinning blades, stone cold fucked his dog, stone cold went to cold stone creamery, stone cold Tebowed and stone cold ascended into stone cold heaven.

You didn't watch much wrestling in the late 90's, did you?

The better question is: Why in gods name would I watch wrestling regardless of era or age?

That is not a better question.

Late 90's professional wrestling was owned by "Stone Cold" Steve Austin. His signature move was the Stone Cold Stunner. Hence the joke.

What am I doing.

I understand that. You still are watching wresting. I stand by my point.

Unless it's still the late 90's, then no, I am not still watching wrestling.

Also, your mom.

I think we can all agree that wrestling would be far, far more appealing it was between two random people, chosen by lottery, and sent their rivals by text message. In such a case as this, Richard Riehle here got his first, and the kid on the lawnmower didn't hear his phone go off over the machine. He didn't see it fucking coming.

You make me gag when you all gush about how you're above watching wrestling. Hey, I didn't watch the oogieloves. I'm just, like, SO much smarter than anyone who would watch that.

Maybe this should be the supporting feature before Last Ounce of Courage.

No.