"GOD'S BURIED THOSE TREASURES THERE BECAUSE HE LOVES TO SEE US FIND THEM."

Oh boy, you guys, the universe is just one big game of Zelda!

Push that block to the left! A hidden staircase! Inside is a treasure chest full of oil!

Except sometimes God hides fake treasures, like the entire fossil record!

Find those, and you go to Hell!

Why do people have to keep saying stupid things? I'm not talking about stupid people saying things. I can sympathize with that. I'm talking about people that know better saying outrageously stupid things.

So why aren't these assholes 800 pounds yet?

And on the eighth day, those plants, fish, birds, and animals that God had made on the third, fifth, and sixth days anaerobically decayed into fossil fuels, a perfect and holy fuel source, far superior to the light, water, and hydrogen He had created in the first two days.

Apparently, Mammon was the real god of the New Testament.

In the house of the wise are stores of choice food and oil, but a foolish man devours all he has. (Proverbs 21:20 NIV)

God put arsenic in apple seeds but I don't see you assholes taking advantage of that.

Next thing you know BAM, they're going to tell us to be using the power of Lavos.

I'd just like to compress and melt every one of these lunatics into a foul sludge, then build a machine that runs exclusively on their distilled extinction-goo. Maybe a doomsday device, but there's so many of those already.

Petrobaptists.