On a note: I have NEVER seen a can of peanut brittle.

Now, a Pringles can... that would be fucking hilarious.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NyyAMO_I4TE

Oh, the horrors! Perhaps it would help me to calm down if you had some gum to chew on. Oh, SnappiFresh Mint Gum? That looks just like a brand I am familiar with.

By taking your strangely cupped hand in friendship, I can only hope that our relationship can renew itself to shimmer like the loop of wire around your finger.

My knees are shaking after such an unexpected fright. Please excuse me while I sit on this chair, with that delightfully small rubber cushion on it, to recuperate.

Well, that was unexpected. Would I like to sniff the flower in your lapel? Well, I don't see what could be wrong with that.

Ah, of course! A cigar will ease my nerves. Cuban, you say? Mmm... yes, complex notes. Earth, wood... something else... cordite?

After all this, I could use a nice glass of water, especially in such a lovely diamond-patterned glass.