If that's the case, then you sir, did not drink bum wine. Cuddle up with a bottle of Night Train or Thunderbird and get back to me.

I drank well more than my weight in T-Bird, MD 20/20 and the train. I consider Rossi below all three of those. And I stand by that statement.

I'd vote Rossi as technically a step above the fortified wines because Rossi appears to be just a low-end screwtop until you taste it. The size and price are your only clue. That's the Boone's Farm rule, and puts it slightly ahead of wines that exhibit warning signs like being neon colored, a pocket-shaped bottle, or having a name that could also be a Motörhead song.

For me it involves using the bottle as a urinal afterwards because it's big enough to hold a giant drunken whiz, and compared to looking for a bathroom there's lesser chance of me crashing into something and falling over in a fucked-up heap

The gallon jugs are good for brewing your own, out of fruit juice and bakers yeast