Impostor.

It's actually cena.

ITS ACTUALLY ME HURF DURF WUHHHHHHH

Give it up, Cena, we all know you're Gmork.

I cut lip smacking noises out of audiobooks for a living; 30 seconds was about all of this I could listen to without getting paid for it.

If you've never seen Seven Psychopaths, watch it, then pretend the audio from this video is Woody Harrelson's character's back story.

My whole life is dedicated to making audio mixers miserable.

ACTIVE!

Also, is that seriously you? You're not fat. I mean, I can only see down to your shoulders, so maybe you suddenly explode into fatness beneath the camera? It doesn't look like you do. You're actually kind of handsome (in a Louis C.K. sort of way)!

This video's really dumb, but I'm adding two stars for reminding me of Louis C.K.

Plus, hugs.

There is no reason for you to be here

Hey Hippo who's your favorite pony?

I am not in good shape. I need to lose 15-20 pounds.
For the sake of the internet, I am fat.

And I'm not "kind of handsome," I'm exceptionally attractive. Jesus.

By Internet standards, you are anorexic. Internet trolls would have the USDA FAS parachuting food aid packages to your doorstep daily (if they continued listening to my suggestions beyond the "bomb Kazakhstan with Boston cream pies" suggestion).

I dunno, people on the internet have bizarre ideas re: obesity. 15-20 pounds overweight? 'WHOA SLOW DOWN THERE JABBA'.

For reference, I am a 600 pound invalid who lives in his parents' basement, where I am regularly hosed down in a kiddy pool. Because of my skin condition, I can only be cleaned using the salty tears of internet trolls. The only tiny flicker of joy I find in this pathetic sham I call 'life' are watching poetv videos - and reading the comments.

EvilHomer: I don't actually like MLP. No hate on those who do. Just more of an Adventure Time kind of guy.

Also, seriously: I do love you guys.

We love too, Hippo. Please stay, and continue doing what you're doing.

(p.s. I never really got into Adventure Time, but it seems alright for a kid's show, and no hate on you either)

i saw the word asshat in a book and i got so mad i threw it down on the ground as hard as i could but it was a kindle so it exploded in a quake 3 style blast

You've read The Asshat Asslegends of Alfred H. Asshat too?

His menagerie is vast.

Not enough. It's never enough.