These dolls are very expensive.

Relevant, dumb story: for the last twenty-something years, my Aunt has hosted a Christmas party, traditionally the weekend before Christmas. Each and every year, my Aunt has invited her friends, who have brought their daughter. Pretty much from the second she could walk, the daughter started bringing her American Dolls with her. And she was always dressed in a matching outfit. I was told this is an extremely expensive interest, and it went on for far too long. Definitely into "really weird" territory. Anyway, flash forward a few years, and now that girl works for the Jim Henson company, designing puppets, and she's on the upcoming season of King of the Nerds. She is very annoying.

Conan's meal is just a big plate of fries and onion rings.

I wonder how many times a day that asian lady is harassed by fatass, unhappy fathers who feel the compulsion to hyper-assert their masculinity when in such a store. Is that a riddle?

If you want a laugh, read the menu for the American Girl Restaurant, conveniently located in each store. You know how some girls at that age exist on white bread and ketchup? They've taken that into account.

Still got it, Coco!

Agnes Schweitzhoffer is a playa hater.

That place is extremely creepy and incredibly sad.

Oh Conan, have my poorly-articulated babies.