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Comment count is 30
IrishWhiskey - 2014-01-30

The Left Behind series is fascinating, because it defies all story-telling conventions of having a 'goal' or 'arc'. The "heroes" spend all their time congratulating each other for knowing about the Rapture (all strawman non-evangelicals are so blind that all the world's kids disappearing is just dismissed), while occasionally referring to the need to convert people and stop the anti-Christ, but then never doing anything about it because it's all prophesied and part of God's plan they can't stop anyway.

They could kill the anti-Christ or publicly proclaim faith, but that would take effort and risk, so just like real evangelicals they'd rather sit together with like minded people and take perverse pleasure at anticipated suffering of others.

It's basically 50 Shades of Gray for people who get off on the suffering of others.

...wait, let me rephrase that...

It's 50 Shades of Gray for people who get off on the suffering of others who don't agree with their cultural beliefs and personal prejudices, but are too lazy and sexually dead to pull out the nipple clamps.


IrishWhiskey - 2014-01-30

As to the video, nothing more interesting that Nic Cage's incessant head bobbing, but the pre-load image looks like the movie's budget left for sets after his salary, was maybe . A kids TV show in the 70s would be embarrassed to have a cockpit that bad looking.


IrishWhiskey - 2014-01-30

There's a large red NO SMOKING sign, on the dashboard of the cockpit.

The dashboard.

Of the cockpit.


SolRo - 2014-01-30

I imagine he's flying a cartoon airplane.

and look, there's like 4 switches!


SteamPoweredKleenex - 2014-01-30

The "Your Mileage May Vary" page from TV Tropes on this series is interesting reading:

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/YMMV/LeftBehind

Yeah, this is basically revenge-fanfic for Baptists and other Christians who get off on whoever they perceive as "enemies" burning in hell.


cognitivedissonance - 2014-01-30

Well, it's American fundamentalism in a nutshell. The actual redemptive goals of Christ's stated mission get sidelined and lost among a sense of "us vs. them, forever".

What cracks me up about it is the antichrist of the series is a genuinely nice European Unionist.


Sexy Duck Cop - 2014-01-30

Left Behind II is the only work of fiction I know that contains more dicking around than the final season of Dexter. Toward the end of the first act, the protagonists realize they can't defeat the Antichrist because doing so would be interfering with the Divine Plan. But at the same time, they can't passively let Satan conquer the world. So how does the Tribulation Force kill 90 minutes? They mildly annoy Lucifer by changing a few lines in the MSWord .doc for his latest speech so he accidentally says "The TRUE and HONEST messiah is...........JESUS CHRIST!?!?!??!?!? WUHHHHHHHHHHH????????"

This accomplishes nothing, of course, and the third movie is Lou Gosset Jr. as Herman Cain, Action President canceling the apocalypse with his fists and sleepy Judo. The film ends with him confronting Satan himself in his high-rise office, who promptly hurls President Cain through a plate-glass window. He falls 32 stories, gets up, and walks back to the White House where he orders a new course of action: Walk all the way back to Satan's headquarters, again alone and unescorted, so the President can order a drone strike on the spot, much as how Obama has to personally travel to Yemen every time he wants to blow up a fruit stand.

It doesn't work. The Left Behind Trilogy pretty much ends with the devil saying "Dude, what did you think was going to happen?"


gravelstudios - 2014-01-30

Is this getting a theatrical release? It looks made for TV.


Nominal - 2014-01-30

It looks made for Channel 101.


Jet Bin Fever - 2014-01-31

That's an insult to the hard working men and women of Channel 101.


misterbuns - 2014-01-30

So I just wrote a thing that hopefully is getting made and I want Cage as my villain. I've heard he's easy to get, but I had no idea.


Nominal - 2014-01-30

It's fascinating going through Netflix instant and discovering all the Nick Cage movies in the last 3 years you've never heard about.


SteamPoweredKleenex - 2014-01-30

He's gotta pay for those rare comic books and that pyramid-shaped tomb in New Orleans somehow.


SolRo - 2014-01-30

was he the one that bought a t-rex skull or was that tim allen?


StanleyPain - 2014-01-30

Cage is incapable of managing his money with any kind of competency, thus he pretty much works for anything these days given the vast amounts he owes on various back-taxes, mortgages, losses on real estate ventures, etc.


memedumpster - 2014-01-30

Uh oh, Atlast Shrugged 3..., you been a strayin', and a brand new train just derailed at the station.


cognitivedissonance - 2014-01-31

Lucky for Atlas Shrugged, trains are anti-Galt.


pastorofmuppets - 2014-02-03

The train carries steel tracks that are used to make new railroads, that are used to carry more steel, ad infinitum.


EvilHomer - 2014-01-30

I'd like to shove it down her throat.


BiggerJ - 2014-01-30

Left Behind being rebooted as a Nic Cage movie is the best thing that could have happened to it, and that's not saying much.

Original books and movies: Rapture occurs while pilot is flying. Disappearance of people on plane makes it clear that it's no trick. Plane lands. See above for pointless nature of everything that follows.

Nic Cage mode: Rapture occurs while pilot is flying. Plane fucking crashes (see movie poster). Pilot desperately tries to protect the people he cares about in the following chaotic hours and the world plunges into turmoil because A HUGE AMOUNT OF PEOPLE DISAPEARED INCLUDING EVERY SINGLE FUCKING KID. Information he once would have scoffed at turns out to be terribly relevant (not entirely incongruent with Cage - see: another Nic Cage movie, Knowing).

It's still shit, but at least the special brand of stupidity of Nic Cage movies makes peoples' reactions a teeeeensy bit more realistic. In the books, the Temple in Jerusalem is mentioned to have been rebuilt and the implications are never touched upon or, undoubtedly, thought about.


BiggerJ - 2014-01-31

*as the world


That guy - 2014-01-30

A contributing factor to my ending a friendship with a couple I'd know since junior high was the wife reading her way through the Left Behind series even though she had a degree in English.


Old People - 2014-01-30

Fucking garbage.


SteamPoweredKleenex - 2014-01-30

True, but at least they're not spending their money on guns to help the rapture happen.

What's really funny about all this is that they'll cling to this idea that Gawd has a plan that can't be thwarted and WILL happen... yet then they think that this all-powerful being needs them to do stuff like keep gays from marrying or trying to pass laws so they can force kids to pray in schools while they study creationism in science class.

It's very "What does God need with a starship?" to me.


Old_Zircon - 2014-01-30

"If Footmen Tire You, What Will Horses Do?" is my favorite apocalyptic Christian fiction.


Killer Joe - 2014-01-30

Bas, Cage...
Westley Snipes is doing to do like 10 of these when he gets out of prison, you heard it here first.


asian hick - 2014-01-31

I feel like a great opportunity was lost when the decided not to cast him as the Antichrist.


BiggerJ - 2014-01-31

The Antichrist isn't in the movie, and good thing, too. He's a villain who the heroes can't do anything about because according to Revelations the problem will solve itself. Nic Cage's character does make him fall down at one point, though. Not kidding.


Quad9Damage - 2014-02-01

"It's in my car. I never wear it when I fly." *SNIFF*


Rodents of Unusual Size - 2014-02-04

I was once friends with a gay dude who went back and forth on his religion. He went between Mormonism and evangelical Christianity like four or five times, each time totally denouncing his former religion, but did this repeatedly.

He was a literature major. He declared these as the best books ever written. God he was dumb.


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