I keep telling them that but they don't listen.

enlighten a young whippersnapper. are they bad enough that putting poop stain pads in my butt is worth the trouble?

I remember this ad. It made me terrified of becoming a grownup. You just get older and your ass is constantly on fire, and not just on fire, it will be fine, and then flames will just burst out of it and you have to use pads. How do you even use the pads to put out the fire? I didn't know, and I still don't.

The worst thing, craptacular, is that these damn things are completely out of your control. You can be in excellent health and great diet (like bodybuilder health) otherwise (as The Mothership is), but sometimes when you are stressed out a fucking vein in your lower colon will sometimes come out of your asshole and make everything as sensitive down there as if you had been stabbed in the taint with a rusty machete.

Stay young forever. Never get older than 35.

It's like someone rubbed your anus with steel wool and cayenne pepper.


Full disclosure: I'm posting from the toilet.

I had the hemorrhoid in the Army. Doing PT with that shit was the worst.

At first it was kinda funny, because I could squeeze it between my buttcheeks and it felt like a dingle-berry that refused to come off. But then I did some Iron Mikes and it wasn't so funny anymore.

It's "nyuck" you heathen.

I stand corrected, O master of stoogedom.

OOOH, A WISE GUY

Knock it off, you Flatbush Flatheads!

It's a shame this wasn't in the good old days when TV personalities would shill for products in character. "Hey Moe, my 'roids are acting up again!" "Bet it feels like a hot poker up the ass, huh?" "OWWW!"