Gotta say, I watched the original and the people they got for this are like totally identical.

Alexa would you fuck off?

I sort of get this, but I mostly don't. My iPhone 4, which is at this point ancient in comparison, can pick up all sorts of quiet sounds from different rooms. Like if Siri was on I could talk softly into my pants and she'd get the message the same as if I was talking loudly into my future pants that were trapped down a well in a basement. What's this got that my old phone doesn't have, except GAMES AND INTERNET AND TELEPHONE and stuff?

Yes, but can Captain Kirk break it by putting it in a logical paradox loop?

Not shown: the family unplugging and moving the cylinder from room to room all day.

Seriously, amazon? You couldn't sell your shitty smartphones and now you want us to buy something our smartphones can already do?

Fuck off.