There's no way the revival of a classic Harrison Ford role could turn out badly.

I actually clapped my hands with glee at him. Like a toddler.

Listen, this is his mulligan. It's for real this time.

If you're talking about Crystal Skull, that wasn't Ford's fault. He was great in it. It was just a shitty movie. If the whole movie had been the first 20 minutes or so, it would've easily been my second favorite IJ film after Last Crusade.

Fair enough. At least the black guy seems appropriately frightened at the prospect of being in a sci-fi film, so it's got that going for it.

I teared up. Chewie hasn't aged a bit.

Crystal Skull was great if you go with the fan theory that he was dying the entire time the movie was taking place and his last moments were basically a delirium of his wishes and fantasies as he died in the fridge.

"Chewie, we're home" *accidentally snaps leg in half*

>>There's no way the revival of a classic Harrison Ford role could turn out badly.

(SOB) Leave Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull ALONE!

I mean Aunt Beru

HE DO BREATHE

I still don't know if I like that super quick zoom effect.. it feels very 1970s to me. Then again, if anything felt very 1970s to me, I'd be glad it was a Star Wars movie.

AKA Star Wars: Pandering to Tumblr edition. Starring empowered female lead role, co-starring earnest african american.

costarring : a bunch of old guys your dad will get really excited about ( eye rolls, loud exhale )

Since when are British people considered African-American?

So did you hear about how Tumblr invented women and black people.

Oscar Wildcat, you've got a long hard road ahead of you.

We all do, Mr. B. Perhaps Oscar is just a little tired of the corporate pandering, you know?

I couldn't agree more, Oscar. The last thing that I want in my Star Wars is singing. Eating space watermelons and space oranges are fine as I've conquered my misophonia, so no giant lips smacking as it nervously eats after offered a treat will bother me. But the moment you start singing about how you believe in the force, then you've lost me!

And don't get me started on Eboknics! It might be more tolerable that Jar Jar Binks! But that's because the ewoks were at least such endearing creatures!

But seriously though Oscar. What themes and nuances in the original trilogy are going to be left out to make you concerned about "corporate pandering"

Especially for a pop corn flick that was more praised for special effects than story.

Billions of dollars in Star Wars merchandise sold over the last 38 years, but it took a black guy in a lead role to get Oscar upset about "corporate pandering."

Don't forget the woman!

Knees are jerking so wildly here, it's unlikely this will be understood, but to answer Shoebox's question.

The element of surprise.

Consider the first movie. Princess is held captive, and needs to be rescued! So we trundle off to the theatre with our firm expectations. And we learn :

1) Princess is a principal leader of a revolution.
2) Princess has key information that can turn the tide of the war, but gets waylaid by the bad guys.
3) When confronted by the king hell badass, princess STANDS UP TO HIM, AND SPITS IN HIS FACE.
4) She is tortured by said bad guy, but is not broken.
5) When rescue party shows up, she laughs "What the fuck was Obi Wan thinking, sending these poor assholes. Doesn't he realize what's at stake?"
6) etc etc.

At every point in the story, our preconceived ideas are challenged by this character. Turns out, ( wait for it ) our princess is a STRONG FEMALE LEAD!!!!

Fast forward to today. Is strong female lead going to surprise us? Of course not. She can't. No, she needs to run around with a light sabre strap on, because fuck subverting our expectations, we can't stand that. No, we need to be pandered to. She's going to slap that lightsabre dick in our faces, and by god we're going to understand that she's just a good old boy. Because anything less would be COMPLETE CAPITULATION.

Is that clear enough?

tl;dr

OW - good points about how Princess Leia broke from the traditional "damsel" mold. In 1977, that was a leap forward, like having Uhura on the bridge of the Enterprise, or Kinchloe in the Stalag 13 tunnels doing the technical work.

I don't mind the concept of Princess Leia using a light saber in and of itself, though it seems like the dullest possible way to show that she's as useful as any of the guys. Plus, the proliferation of light sabers is a problem as Plinkett pointed out, because when everyone's using light sabers all the time, they're no longer special.

Here is "Lupin the Third: The Castle of Cagliostro":

http://www.hulu.com/watch/219524

I bring it up because it reminds me of this debate. On the one hand, there is a princess to rescue, and like Leia she is brave and resourceful when circumstances allow her any agency. On the other hand, she's still seriously in need of rescuing, and if you want to look for the strong female lead in this, that's probably Fujiko.

@Oscar, the problem I have with what you're saying is that these are returning characters. Not all of them are jedi. NOW if Leia somehow got force powers, then the corporate pandering would be more adequate a call. And to refer to Bort, that was probably the biggest problem with the prequels. All of them were jedi except one or two characters who were there to move the story along, not to actually be a part of the story, so there was a lot less dynamic story telling to keep the movie at a pace. It was essentially George's fan fiction.

Well, I'm glad you decided to tell us about it.

Because the original trilogy, however fun and well-made and corny, and RIPE for nostalgia, is predominantly a highly merchandised franchise that has been shitting into everyone's mouth for about 35 years.

Why give a fuck about these iconic cardboard cutouts?

For not giving a fuck, you sure have plenty of comments.

Did you like the first Star Trek reboot Abrams did? Then you're probably going to like this.

Oh I don't give a fuck about the icons.
I hate Star Wars.

The problem with the prequels was that they were an origin story. It was the most tedious and predictable 40 minutes of any superhero franchise, stretched out over six hours. (Jor-El and Lara putting baby Kal in the rocket. Joe-El makes a speech.Yes, we know. Yes, yes, very tragic.)

The focus of the prequels was a terrible idea from the beginning. We already knew everything we needed to know about Ben and Anikan's friendship before Anikan's fall. I think it was doomed, but Lucas was locked in.

I'm sure some people will hate these new movies just for not being "The Empire Strikes Back". I love the Abrams Star Trek, so I'm pretty hopeful, but what I feel certain of is that if the new movies suck, they're not going to suck IN THE SAME WAY as the prequels.

After watching this, I'm kind of stoked.

"The problem with the prequels"

Mildly amused that you phrase it in terms of a single problem -- so in theory, if we corrected just this one thing, the prequels would be fine. I don't think you meant it exactly that way, but that's the way it sounded.

There's nothing wrong with an origin story, though, or even a story where you know in broad strokes what has to happen by the end. Nobody was surprised that the ship sank in "Titanic", after all. And if you ever watch the three-episode pilot for "Superman: The Animated Series", they spend fully one episode on Krypton, and it works, by making you feel something for a doomed people.

If I had to come up with the lowest effort fix to the prequels, I would fix Anakin's motives in the third one: he does not cotton to the Jedi's use of clones as slaves, and has decided they need to be brought down. That also seriously tarnishes the Jedi in the process (not that they didn't do it to themselves), so probably a broader fix would be best: first movie is experienced Obi-Wan plus new recruit Anakin slowly bonding, second movie is Anakin put through hell and still coming out the very model of everything good, third movie is some small flaw exploited and Anakin's downfall. (Which I suppose the third one actually was, but it was done so stupidly that you're forced to believe Anakin was just itching to turn to the Dark Side all along.)

exactly

Orci and Lindelof don't have anything to do with it.

you just know they did uncredited "script polishing"

Orci never works uncredited.

Clairol. I would guess color #7.

I'm just happy that Chewy is still around. I figured that wookie years were like dog years.

Everyone knows that Chewie died a hero's death: getting hit by a car.

"Help me, Luke Skywalker! I've fallen, and I can't get up!"

"LUKE THE GUNGUNS ARE STEALING MY MEDICATION."

"Those are the orderlies here at the home, sis. They're here to help you. No one is stealing your meds."

"YES THEY ARE. THEY'RE ALL THIEVES, IT'S IN THEIR BLOOD. THEY COME TO THIS PLANET BUT THEY WON'T LEARN THE LANGUAGE."

Indeed. I hope she is exactly like her appearance on 30 Rock.

She was on "QI" a few months back; kind of reminds me of Betty White thirty years ago, a sweet jovial granny type who isn't easily offended. I would give her a piggyback ride if she wanted one.

'The Search For More Money', I'll think you'll find.

That was Spaceballs, you cretin.

It was a parody, so it had to change some words around.

Yea, that's how I feel too.

Ha ha ha, I never saw Star Wars until I was like 19, so I'm completely immune to its nostalgia. Go ahead and suck, movie! It does nothing!

But if Toy Story 4 isn't any good I'll hang myself, so it evens out.