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Desc:Amen, such a quick response.
Category:Short Films
Tags:Jem, victory, jiz
Submitted:yogarfield
Date:05/14/15
Views:1805
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Comment count is 35
Quad9Damage
Humanity needed a hero.
Rodents of Unusual Size
THE HUMAN RACE IS GOING EXTINCT!

Scrimmjob
Very nice! As for the actual jem movie, I'm really impressed that they were able to make something that looks even stupider and more boring than the original!
Billy the Poet
Oh thank god.
betamaxed
Truly outrageous
betamaxed
People have responded to the real trailer asking themselves what's missing from the whole ordeal? Why isn't this movie appearing to capture the magic and wonder of JEM?

The answer: not enough cocaine.

infinite zest
It's funny, all of the criticism I've seen (outside of here) for the new movie is from facebook friends, 30-something girls who are legitimately bitching about their childhood being raped, the same way boys did when Transformers came out. And this could've been avoided with a few simple measures. Let's take for example, the movie Drive and the game Hotline Miami. Neither are really that cool. Dumb criminal movie and mindless action shooter, but totally style over substance. Which is all Jem really was in the first place. What's up with the updated music and none of the magic? Put in some tracks by Tycho and you're just fine. Second, like I said, it's 30 YEAR OLD WOMEN complaining about the film looking bland as fuck, not tweens, who didn't even know what Jem was, except maybe by proxy. Make it for the adults. Let's say Hasbro kills MLP with this generation, with arguably more adults who like it than kids. Then 10 years from now come back and it's CGI ponies and other bullshit. Same thing. Riots in the streets. This has all the potential of selling a Rolex watch to a kid who saw her first wrist watch as an iWatch.
EvilHomer
But hang on, if the only people upset by this are 30 year old women, not kids, then where's the problem? The movie's made for kids, so maybe kids will like it. Meanwhile, the 30 year old women might bitch, but if they liked Jem enough to go online and bitch about this movie, then they like Jem enough to buy this film on BluRay regardless.

There's no point in making a Jem movie for old ladies, because making old ladies happy won't increase the IP's marketability.

Sanest Man Alive
Homer considers 30 the age of "old lady". His sinister plan to replace Caminante by killing him and wearing his skin has not gone unnoticed.

EvilHomer
Oh, I'm sorry Sanest Man Alive, did you say something? All I heard was "Meerrrrr, where did I put my walking stick? Metamusil, Glenn Miller, Columbo!"

infinite zest
I think it was about 10 years ago that Jem started to reenter the minds of the Gen-Y mainstream, and happened before the 80s/synth revival in music and pop culture. You couldn't find Jem at Toys R Us or on TV, only at Hot Topic and likeminded places. It was about as likely as Rude Dog making an unexpected return. A lot of the revival was tongue-in-cheek for sure, and a fun show to trip the light fantastic to, but little else, save for how "80s" it was. And besides the Jem logo itself, there's nothing 80s about this except for the keytars! Kids won't watch this because there's no Jem cartoon for them to watch, and adults won't go because there's no nostalgia; it's just Dreamgirls all over again, or Josie and the Pussycats, or the new Jem movie.. oh wait.

infinite zest
Funny that you mention Columbo. ABC's still got its hands on it, I'm sure, so let's say they run out of ideas and decide to revive it, either as a TV series or a film, but Columbo is played by Martin Freeman. He's the Columbo for THIS generation. THIS worked for Sherlock, because everybody has at least some idea of what Sherlock Holmes is, but Columbo's kind of in a time trap and isn't immortal. Neither is Jem.

Sanest Man Alive
IZ, you've piqued my interest: I want to see a Columbo movie with Martin Freeman trapped in a time anomaly, desperately trying to figure out how to escape and, I dunno, stop Malcolm McDowell from blowing up the sun or something. Maybe he'll get The Commish to show up and die in a rockslide!

poopy
Don't talk shit about Drive

dairyqueenlatifah
"the same way boys did when Transformers came out"

Wait WHAT?!?!? Every guy who liked Transformers that I knew was excited as hell when the first movie came out, though a handful of them were worried about the fact that Michael Bay was in charge.

Scrimmjob
If they remake Columbo they should use a Peter Falk hologram ala Tupac at Cochella

infinite zest
Yeah! Let's start writing pilots for these things. It will happen, especially during the next writers' strike. Sledgehammmer, Columbo, The Commish, even a Herman's Head that works this time! Even that Robosaurus TV pilot, which would look absolutely tits with big network money and effects these days. We'd be rich enough to buy happiness!

infinite zest
Sorry Poopy, personally I didn't like drive, and I love Nicolas Winding Refn's other work too, which is the only reason I saw it. It's stylish and cool, but if you replaced the music with normal Fast and Furious music.. I dunno you get the idea. But hey that's just my opinion.

Rodents of Unusual Size
I would literally pay money to see this in a theater, the Jiz way.
That guy
Opening night.

yogarfield
3D IMAX and I'm buying enough popcorn to throw.

Oscar Wildcat
From your lips to God's ear.

boner
Fetuses popping right out of the screen.

Ugh
yes
garcet71283
Just imagine, in 8 months when this is on DVD we can look forward to a feature length Jiz!
Lef
Feature Lenght Jiz sounds so ... right. As does Jiz's seminal record.

Stars, many stars to you two.

CrimsonHyperSloth
I guess this could be called the origins of Jiz's seminal record?
Lef
need a Sienna D'Enema tag.
yogarfield
we can't apostrophe in tags, but i think "jiz" will suffice

dairyqueenlatifah
Ten billion times better than the actual movie will be.

I can only hope that he actually does a full Jiz film out of it. Oh that would be fantastic.
sasazuka
Ya know, I don't care about anything else being faithful to the cartoon, I just want some signs with hilarious typos and random backwards letters painted by some non-English-speaking background artist at Toei in Japan (where they did the grunt work for all of the Marvel/Hasbro/Sunbow cartoons in the mid-1980s).

It just wouldn't be JEM AND THE HOLOGRAMS if every second sign doesn't have some kind of weird typo.
sasazuka
Oh, wait, I should have put this comment on the unaltered trailer thread, although it works here too.

The Mothership
Brilliant. This really takes me back.
Quad9Damage
That song is motherfucking catchy.
yogarfield
It really is. I've been humming it for days.

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