THE HUMAN RACE IS GOING EXTINCT!

People have responded to the real trailer asking themselves what's missing from the whole ordeal? Why isn't this movie appearing to capture the magic and wonder of JEM?

The answer: not enough cocaine.

But hang on, if the only people upset by this are 30 year old women, not kids, then where's the problem? The movie's made for kids, so maybe kids will like it. Meanwhile, the 30 year old women might bitch, but if they liked Jem enough to go online and bitch about this movie, then they like Jem enough to buy this film on BluRay regardless.

There's no point in making a Jem movie for old ladies, because making old ladies happy won't increase the IP's marketability.

Homer considers 30 the age of "old lady". His sinister plan to replace Caminante by killing him and wearing his skin has not gone unnoticed.

Oh, I'm sorry Sanest Man Alive, did you say something? All I heard was "Meerrrrr, where did I put my walking stick? Metamusil, Glenn Miller, Columbo!"

I think it was about 10 years ago that Jem started to reenter the minds of the Gen-Y mainstream, and happened before the 80s/synth revival in music and pop culture. You couldn't find Jem at Toys R Us or on TV, only at Hot Topic and likeminded places. It was about as likely as Rude Dog making an unexpected return. A lot of the revival was tongue-in-cheek for sure, and a fun show to trip the light fantastic to, but little else, save for how "80s" it was. And besides the Jem logo itself, there's nothing 80s about this except for the keytars! Kids won't watch this because there's no Jem cartoon for them to watch, and adults won't go because there's no nostalgia; it's just Dreamgirls all over again, or Josie and the Pussycats, or the new Jem movie.. oh wait.

Funny that you mention Columbo. ABC's still got its hands on it, I'm sure, so let's say they run out of ideas and decide to revive it, either as a TV series or a film, but Columbo is played by Martin Freeman. He's the Columbo for THIS generation. THIS worked for Sherlock, because everybody has at least some idea of what Sherlock Holmes is, but Columbo's kind of in a time trap and isn't immortal. Neither is Jem.

IZ, you've piqued my interest: I want to see a Columbo movie with Martin Freeman trapped in a time anomaly, desperately trying to figure out how to escape and, I dunno, stop Malcolm McDowell from blowing up the sun or something. Maybe he'll get The Commish to show up and die in a rockslide!

Don't talk shit about Drive

"the same way boys did when Transformers came out"

Wait WHAT?!?!? Every guy who liked Transformers that I knew was excited as hell when the first movie came out, though a handful of them were worried about the fact that Michael Bay was in charge.

If they remake Columbo they should use a Peter Falk hologram ala Tupac at Cochella

Yeah! Let's start writing pilots for these things. It will happen, especially during the next writers' strike. Sledgehammmer, Columbo, The Commish, even a Herman's Head that works this time! Even that Robosaurus TV pilot, which would look absolutely tits with big network money and effects these days. We'd be rich enough to buy happiness!

Sorry Poopy, personally I didn't like drive, and I love Nicolas Winding Refn's other work too, which is the only reason I saw it. It's stylish and cool, but if you replaced the music with normal Fast and Furious music.. I dunno you get the idea. But hey that's just my opinion.

Opening night.

3D IMAX and I'm buying enough popcorn to throw.

From your lips to God's ear.

Fetuses popping right out of the screen.

Feature Lenght Jiz sounds so ... right. As does Jiz's seminal record.

Stars, many stars to you two.

we can't apostrophe in tags, but i think "jiz" will suffice

Oh, wait, I should have put this comment on the unaltered trailer thread, although it works here too.

It really is. I've been humming it for days.