Needs a Poe's Law tag, I can't tell if this is real or not.

Wow, what makes this so good is how at first you think it's not real, then it fools you into thinking it IS real, and then rewards you when it reverts to being completely and ridiculously unreal. That's called comedic timing combined with the classic reversal, kids.

You just know some rich ass-hat would buy this stuff for real just so he could tell his friends every fire at his luxurious summer cabin cost fifty grand.

Of course, he wouldn't buy it with his own money. He'd use company money and write it off as a business expense.

This reminds me of a REAL business I saw featured on a local news story where this woman was selling actual real (and cleaned?) hay straw for use in Easter baskets. I'm sure it costs a ridiculous price and the people who buy it must have so much money they don't even care what it buys anymore, but they will be damned if their kids will get plastic hay straw for Easter baskets.

Just those first few lines are good enough for me.