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Desc:The Game The Movie. Or How Blizzard Probably Just Lost A Lot of Money
Tags:warcraft, zug zug, ready to serve, yes my lord, american epic fantasy
Submitted:infinite zest
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Comment count is 36
Hooker - 2015-11-03
So, I have this idea for a great movie. It's about two gnomes who find a bracelet of power, and they have to take it to the Burning Steppes and cast it into the Cauldron. They form the Brotherhood of the Bracelet. Along the way they're trailed by a murloc named Gottom, who's obsessed with the bracelet, and nine bracelet bogeymen. It could be a three-parter, called 'Ruler of the Bracelet'. The first part would be called 'The Brotherhood of the Bracelet', followed by 'A Couple of Towers', with the climactic ending called 'Hey, the King's Back!'
SolRo - 2015-11-03
I love it. Best completely original fantasy story ever.

That guy - 2015-11-04
It's like you already have my money.

Ooh, OOH! Can it be dragged out and overly arch??!!??

SolRo - 2015-11-03
Do we have an estimate on how many tons of cocaine it took to greenlight and make this?
cognitivedissonance - 2015-11-03
So here's the original story. It was originally optioned by Sam Raimi, who wanted to focus on the Undead storyline (the conquest of Lordaeron, the rise of Arthas as the Lich King, Sylvanas Windrunner's betrayal, etc.). The problem was that the Blizzard Property Rights Management people felt that wasn't a clear enough explanation of what the property is, and so Raimi stepped out of the project. It lingered for over a decade until they could settle on a straight Orcs vs. Humans plot.

SolRo - 2015-11-03
so all of it then?

Chancho - 2015-11-04
Is Gandalf in this one?
Caminante Nocturno - 2015-11-04
I sure hope the Skaven show up in this movie!
FABIO - 2015-11-04
Not as much as the .9 BILLION they just threw away buying Candy Crush.
Cena_mark - 2015-11-04
Ooh that'll hurt.
A movie like this can make money, if its good.

NewHeavenSockman - 2015-11-04
a couple of articles i've read point out that short-term it's a way to save on taxes for foreign-held money (roughly 1 billion worth of taxes), not to mention getting the massive mobile game infrastructure and user data that King has, the latter of which is literally worth its weight in gold

6 billion is probably still too much, but it's hardly the "wtf blizzard are you drunk?????" shit i've been seeing nonstop from myopic nerds

EvilHomer - 2015-11-04
But... but data is an abstract intellectual concept, not a material object! User data is literally weightless, so the worth of its weight in gold is nothing.

oddeye - 2015-11-04

NewHeavenSockman - 2015-11-04
yeah it was early and i used literally improperly like a common plebe, i am legit mad at myself

SolRo - 2015-11-04
Data has a small weight in electrons and such.

(Don't get philosophical)

EvilHomer - 2015-11-04
No, you can't just forbid us from "getting philosophical" and call it a day, because you're talking about two different things. The physical media we ued to store and transmit *representations* of data (such as paper, chunks of brain matter, or computer harddrives) can have weight, but user data itself is a non-real, massless construct.

Don't even get me started on the weight of physical media used to store user data versus its value in gold, SolRo, because I spent the morning doing calculations about this on the bus, and TRUST ME, it's not an argument you can win!

SolRo - 2015-11-05
If data isn't being stored or transmitted, thus having a physical state, it does not exist.

memedumpster - 2015-11-05
If you change the words "data" and "physical media" to "humans" and "atoms" then we don't exist either for the same reasons.

This is totally accurate, we don't. Only the universe is and does things with stuff. We're the things so done, not the stuff so done with, and certainly not the is which does it.

oddeye - 2015-11-04
Main movie is 75 mins long. First 15 mins are a pre-order only special from Gamestop, dialogue for certain characters are unlockable via DLC. Limited edition comes with a plastic hammer and a multiplayer VIP pass
TeenerTot - 2015-11-04
I'm only interested if there are fishing scenes.
SolRo - 2015-11-04
With main characters or is a brief side gag enough?

Two Jar Slave - 2015-11-04
What are the odds they'll make a 'grinding mobs' joke? Do you think this will be that winky?

Two Jar Slave - 2015-11-04
I fondly remember reading the short stories included in the instruction books for Warcraft 1 and 2, complete with cool 90s-looking ink drawings of goblins and sorcerers and whatnot. (The instruction booklet short story was an artform that reached its peak in Blizzard's confident hands, as far as I know.) The "lore" of these games was always fun, gritty, and consistent, like a decent Conan pastiche. Then you have Blizzard's CGI cutscenes, which were always some of the finest in the bizz. I know WoW was overexposed ten years ago, and there's little reason to want to see more of that miserable MMO, but I don't see how basing a movie off of its extensive backstory is necessarily a bad idea. It'll be pulpy, expensive-looking young adult fantasy. It won't have the integrity of, say, a Tolkien adaptation, but I think I'm down for what this is.

I would rather Hollywood go back to making LotR knock-offs than continue with the discounter Hunger Games fad.
infinite zest - 2015-11-04
That's a good point, but the same could be said for Metal Gear Solid, Final Fantasy (oh yeah they tried that one) and countless other games-made-movies with mythos that read as well as any novel.. maybe some day one will stick and actually be good.

And it's actually a little unfair that people (including myself) automatically assume a film's going to suck because it was a game. For me it was my disillusionment with Final Fantasy, which I was very excited for. But take something like Mad Max: I knew it as a NES game before I knew it was a movie, and even with the new one the game came out first, etc. etc. and the movie watches like you're playing a game. They could've just as easily called that movie Borderlands the way it plays out, but then nobody would've seen it.

infinite zest - 2015-11-04
Also it should be in the related videos at the end and it's an interview not worth submitting, but the director REALLY knows his shit about Warcraft. Can't speak for all directors but I'm guessing a lot of them who directed videogame movies never played the source material, like not reading a book before making an adaptation of it.

And I love Warcraft. WC2 was my favorite game and first online experience with a friend (when mom didn't need the phone) and besides that guy I was WC2 champion of the world. So I dunno, nobody will see it, it'll probably suck, but I'm at least a little happy that Warcraft has gotten a movie made out of it, given that I watched those cutscenes a thousand million times.

Two Jar Slave - 2015-11-04
Yeah, I guess that's it: I'm not saying this will be good, necessarily, just that there's no reason it has to be bad. I'm still holding out hope for a couple good game adaptations, especially cool elder statesman games like Warcraft, Myst, or Alpha Centauri.

I never did see Prince of Persia. Maybe I'll check that one out, see how far they've come since Mario Bros. and Resident Evil.

Two Jar Slave - 2015-11-04
Oh, holy shit. Duncan Jones is directing this? That's a very strange choice. 'Moon' has become one of my favourite modern movies, but I wonder how his style will translate to genre being referred to by the wiki as "American epic fantasy".

Incidentally, this needs the "American Epic Fantasy" tag.

infinite zest - 2015-11-04
It turns out that the humans and the orcs are both from the same original clone, something like that.

infinite zest - 2015-11-04
tag as well :)

dairyqueenlatifah - 2015-11-04
So we have a Warcraft movie, and an Assassin's Creed movie coming out next year, both with budgets exceeding 0 million, and a Ratchet and Clank movie.

It's like a hundred video game adaptation box office flops have taught these companies nothing.
infinite zest - 2015-11-04
What? An Assassin's Creed movie sounds so stupid. It was kind of cool in the game how you went in and out of history and the gaming corporation you're working for, breaking the 4th wall and such, but that's been around forever in film since forever.

Binro the Heretic - 2015-11-04
I played the first "Warcraft" on my old Windows 3.1 PC back in 1995 or 1996 and it just didn't resonate with me. I was surprised it got sequels, spin-offs and eventually morphed into a MMORPG that became like heroin to a lot of video game players.

This looks like a lot of big stupid fun and, since I know nothing of the world or story or characters, I could probably enjoy watching it.
infinite zest - 2015-11-04
I don't think I ever played Warcraft 1, but Warcraft 2 was the shit and that's the only thing in the Warcraft universe I've played. It's free now and people (including myself) still play it the way people still play Team Fortress 2. With the possible exception of C&C Red Alert, Warcraft 2 was the best ever RTS.

Void 71 - 2015-11-04
I didn't like the first Warcraft either (I was a Dune II fanboy), but part 2 was a pretty big step up just in terms of production value. That's when Blizzard started to pull ahead of the pack.

Myth > every other RTS, though. Always and forever.

Two Jar Slave - 2015-11-04
I guess you're both forgetting about Age of Empire III. I'll let it slide this time.

Caminante Nocturno - 2015-11-04
I miss Command & Conquer's cutscenes.

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