I think somebody planned this out. There's so much shit coming out right around Star Wars that I wouldn't be surprised if the studios are releasing all their shit at once and then pulling a "Producers."

They mean it in a "causes people to be sick" kind of way.

Also one of the first things about writing a parody song is making sure that the hook rhymes in some way. "Stuck a feather in his had and called it rice a roni?" Sure that works. Rhyming "Pizza Toots" with "Jingle Bells?" Nope. The melody and syllables are in place I guess but still, an adult wrote this?

Didn't you once say you owned rodents?

Rodents of Unusual Sexiness.

Ferrets aren't rodents, they're mustelids (like otters and minks).

I love ferrets. I had one for about a day that I rescued after it wandered into a bar at 1 in the morning. He was fun but the owner responded to the CL ad and he was back home the next day. If I had more of a permanent home I'd get one but I move too often to take care of an animal besides cats that come and go.

Yeah, ferrets are pretty high-maintenance. They're more like little dogs without the neediness.

Dogs see you as the alpha and want to please you.
Cats see you as another larger cat that's sometimes an asshole.
Ferrets see you as the awesome buddy they want to spend all their time playing with when they aren't sleeping.

Yeah the little guy was such a trooper. He must've been scared shitless too. I really didn't know what to do. I was just on a date and all of a sudden something brushed up on my leg. At first I thought maybe it was her foot but nope! Anyway the bar was crowded, a dog was leashed outside and there's outdoor cats everywhere in the neighborhood, so we just took turns cradling him in our coats until I could pay up and get him a place to stay, since emergency animal shelters only deal with dogs and cats. In a way, that little guy cockblocked me, and while he was shaky the entire time the next morning he was like "hey how's it going? Wanna play?" He made my bedroom his little castle while I slept on the floor in the kitchen so the cat wouldn't make a move, and the next morning when his owner came by he didn't want to go. My guinea pigs and gerbils have been the same way, but nothing's ever warmed up to me so quickly like a ferret.

This is viral, like Ebola.

it would make a great greeting card

I concur.

Cartoons today are marketed directly to manchildren.

Womanchildren get vampires.

I had the same thought. This is too stupid for anyone.

The short answer is "shit sells" but I don't get the proliferation of kids franchises like Chipmunks or kids' dads' franchises like Flintstones and Scooby Doo (depending on your age) for kids these days instead of just coming up with something original. I'm gonna lose some street cred here but I honestly kind of enjoyed G-Force, an original movie about guinea pig spies. But why would you want to potentially bankrupt a franchise built on some sort of nostalgia when you can just come up with, I dunno, gerbils that are DEA agents by day and dubstep DJs by night, something that the kids can relate to?

You know, for kids.

"Terminator 2" viewing will be mandatory in my household. Sharp stabbing weapons for everyone!

I needn't imagine. I've been required to animate fart jokes more than once.

The screenwriting would be more interesting:

INT
DAVE'S HOUSE
The group sits around the pizza box which we have placed in a bed inside of Dave Seville's upper middle class home.

ALVIN
Maybe we can figure it out if we order more pizza?

SIMON
Dude, that’s exactly how we got into this mess.

THEODORE
Wait a minute, are you actually suggesting we don’t order more pizza?

ALVIN
I know, it’s weird.



EXT
DUMPSTER IN A PARKING LOT.
Alvin and Simon climb into dumpster to find a box of pizza that was not fully consumed.

ALVIN
Something is pricking my hand but I think I found it!

Alvin emerges from dumpster, several syringes stuck in his hand and a banana peel on top of his head. Simon looks longingly at the pizza box, which still has remnants of cheese on it and a note written in sharpie. It reads "Xtra Ch", written by somebody in a hurry to get 40 pizzas delivered to a single address. Simon is visibly upset by Theodore's earlier attempt at tricking him into paying for all the pizzas.

SIMON
(yelling to INT THEODORE)
Theo! This one's all cheese! I have celiac and have to take Alvin to the hospital so this pizza's on me!

THEODORE
Radical! Thanks bro!


INT
DAVE'S HOUSE
Theodore produces a green flatulent cloud. He is aware of this but tried to hide it while Dave looks on.

DAVE
Where are your brothers?

Thank you for that.

Jeez.. for a second there I thought that was sort of an outdated reference, like Jack in the Box or Sizzler, but wow. What the fuck is wrong with Chipotle?

Overall this means that the 'potle will be one of the safest places to eat now though. My ex used to work at Q'Doba, which is owned by Jack in the Box, and after the deaths JotB put in similar regulations, including monitored handwashing for 90 seconds every time you touched something like cash. This went over really well at 3 in the morning when a bunch of drunk Chads want a quesadilla and the line is down the block.