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Desc:You just know Chris-Chan is out there, stroking his chin and nodding contentedly
Category:Pets & Animals, Crime
Tags:Sonic, Chris Chan, Game of Thrones, yelling as a way to resolve problems, what roger ebert thought all videogames were
Submitted:Sexy Duck Cop
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Comment count is 23
Oh wow. WOW.
Who knew Excalibur looked so cheesy?
He broke Excalibur? Sounds like that'd cause a
Game Over due to Time Paradox.
"My stories only end when I stop running."

Which was often, if I remember right.
Maggot Brain
If Sonic stops moving will he suffocate like a shark? If he was part shark that wold explain the fins.

Binro the Heretic
So, I'm guessing they had a mediocre idea for a game and shoehorned Sonic into it so it would sell better?
I don't really keep up with the Soniverse so forgive the question... but this isn't real, is it? It's some kind of fan game?
Aw, fuck.


Sexy Duck Cop
I love so fucking much about this. The final boss calmly trying to refute Sonic's argument with a reasoned appeal to moral subjectivity, Sonic yelling about the value of impermanence while shaking the Wiimote to do combo attacks, the narrator apparently introducing new gameplay mechanics via onscreen prompts two minutes before the end of the game, Sonic screaming out SO I HAVE TO PRESS A TO DODGE RIGHT IN ORDER TO ESCAPE BUBBLES, and the very real fact that Chris-Chan definitely played this and thought "I give this a 7 out of 10".

Everything about this screams "ambitious Newgrounds game" but my gut knew it was official from the beginning.

The only thing that would make this more awesome is Jaleel White.

Caminante Nocturno
Why is Sonic fighting Walpurgisnacht?
Sexy Duck Cop
Why is Sonic the Hedgehog so philosophically adamant about the need for death? I think the villain's evil plan was to make everyone immortal or something, so naturally his response was to roar that life is not totally rad and he'll prove it by murdering you with a knife and gaining five stars in the process. What made Sonic into such a broken nihilist?

....oh, right.

Dear All Japanese People Everywhere:

"Huh?" Is not a line of dialog.
Please stop using it.

Thank you,
All of Humanity that actually values good storytelling.
The same goes for "Fuh" and "Ugu" and all sorts of cringeworthy "dialogue".

Sexy Duck Cop
If you take away Japanese people's ability to scream I AM BEFUDDLED, CURRENTLY, what do they have left?

MacGyver Style Bomb
Just think if the Mario series went in the same direction as the Sonic games did.
Mario still sucks. Slow ass waddling plumber. No wonder Nintendo felt they didn't need a blast processor.

Galaxy 1 and 2 beg to differ.

"Somebody made this" tag.
Wikipedia's plot summary has wholly unneeded context:

Apparently the evil queen wanted to keep her kingdom from being ruined by casting a spell to make it last forever, but doing this was going to threaten innocent lives or something, so Sonic and friends killed her because while nothing is supposed to last forever, we're supposed to live our lives to the fullest before we die.

Because Sonic fucking Hedgehog was created to philosophically meander and wallow in pretentiousness instead of as an 'edgy' mascot offering an alternative to safe family funtime around the CRT.
That philosophy is edgy. You never see Mario taking such risks, that's why Mario sucks.

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