Their love was their power, like the utility company, providing her oven the electricity she needed to make his pizza tender and safe to eat. Also to keep the lights on. And run appliances not needed for pizza, but useful for other things.

I happily eat the 4/$9 Costco pizzas. They bake to this absurdly fragile, cracker-like consistency.

Even ANTIQUE FROZEN PIZZA ENTHUSIASTS IN 2005 didn't give a shit:

http://forums.roadfood.com/Defunct-Major-Brand-Frozen-Pizzas-I -Remember-m93754-p2.aspx

Cog that sounds similar. These things were about 1/3" thick, a foot in diameter, and had the thinnest possible layer of sauce and cheese, with a pretty generous layer of little pepperoni cubes on top, and they came out of the oven hard like crackers.

As far as defunct junk foods that I can still literally taste decades later, they were a bit above Viennetta but far below Wild n Mild Ranch Fritos, which are my holy grail of junk food, may the rest in peace.


I've heard rumors that at least in the 2000s HEB stores still sol their house brand knockoff that's supposedly very authentic, but I don't know anyone who lives in the right parts of Texas to see about getting them and is willing to do it.

HOLD ON A SECOND




http://shop.hgdelivery.com/product/00041270064200/iga-pepperon i-pizza

There's something about bad frozen pizza that still works, it hits the lowest common denominator of the things a person enjoys about pizza and provides exactly nothing beyond that.

Bort's pizza bake delights and astounds people far and wide; like bad pizza it doesn't qualify as "good" so much as "satisfying". 1 lb pasta, 24 oz Prego Traditional, 36 oz water. Cook it in your Ninja 3-in-1 or, I don't know, maybe a big pot on your stove, then stir in 2 cups of Mexican blend cheese once the liquid's been absorbed.

I make my own sauce and dough from scratch, occasionally using a yeast that I harvested and have maintained for close to two years (although I'm lazy so I mostly just use the homemade starter for sourdough pancakes because it's stupidly easy and delicious). It's better than nearly every fancy local pizza place I've tried (only reason it falls short of a few is my lack of a real pizza oven), but not quite as tasty as a DiGiorno.

On the other hand, DiGiorno costs 4 times as much and is only slightly less work.

But the point is, shitty prepared food may be low quality and terrible for you, but it is scientifically designed to be delicious.