Chairman of the Board is an American classic. It's the Citizen Kane of the "Carrot Top Saves Capitalism" genre.

I had no idea Richard Simmons had his own talk show. He's pretty much a total recluse now. And that is the saddest dream come true I've ever actually seen come true.

San Diego.

Has me wondering how I would react if someone forced their way into my home, dressed as a carrot, to excitedly tell me I had a recorded message from Richard Simmons. I might wonder if I was about to be arrested.

This is weapons-grade banality.