I want to see Jesus rush in and flip all of their tables, stat.

I have so many questions.

What's it's battery life?

Does it include all the begating or just the cool PR bits?

Did they tell the actor who was reading the bible to do his best Morgan Freeman?

the apostle goes "pauuuul"

*theatre full of pokemon fans begins booing*

My grandmother was blind, and she had TWO editions of the complete Bible in Braille (KJV and NSV), which took up an entire bedroom. This actually would've been an amazing thing for her.

Not everything is evil, guys.

I want it to read aloud that passage where that guy's concubine gets raped so an angry mob surrounds her and tears her apart. If people didn't realize that was from the bible they would think you were into some fucked up shit.

SMITH!! PUT THAT DAMN THING AWAY AND GET THE FUCK BACK TO WORK! IF I HEAR THAT PLEASING VOICE ONE MORE TIME YOUR ASS IS FIRED!

"Kids love Wonder Bible!"

"There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses." (Sweeping fanfare)