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Comment count is 32
jangbones - 2017-12-20

"messy but not a mess" is actually pretty on point

Nominal - 2017-12-20

This reminded me of Matrix Revolutions more than any Star Wars movie. The promise of answers to cryptic things set up in the previous movie? Ha ha, nope!

garcet71283 - 2017-12-20

It was fine and I actually liked the fuck you given to fan theories.

That said, everything with Finn could have been cut out and the movie wouldn't have suffered. Definitely felt like the director didn't know what to do with the character so he wrote a 30 minute cartoon for him to star in.

Maggot Brain - 2017-12-20

I meant to vote this down because I want stop thing about Star Wars.

Buuut since we're here for as long as this movie was it didn't give itself enough time to tell it's story. The movie spends all of its time breaking down the Heroism that when it switches to rebuilding what it means to be a hero at the end of the movie it feels rushed and contradictory.

Also how did Luke die? Did he use too much force power at once? Can't you not get stabbed as a force projection? Or did he have the space cancer?

Nominal - 2017-12-20

Leias fly
Lukes die

Maggot Brain - 2017-12-20

Stars for flying Leia. Too bad that was the only time she used her super powers in the movie.

cognitivedissonance - 2017-12-21

Not so. I think she used Jedi Mind Trick on Holdo to passive-aggressively get rid of her.

Quad9Damage - 2017-12-21

He overexerted himself by astral projecting across light years of space for like an hour. I guess being in his early 50's and living as an unfit and untrained angry hobo didn't help.

Maggot Brain - 2017-12-21

idk my head cannon is now set to the Skywalkers are deadly allergic to bad metaphors.

Meerkat - 2017-12-20

Maybe it was like the last Lord of the Rings movie where he got started and just didn't know where the fuck to go with it.

Seriously, I saw no reason for The Force Awakens to exist. It wasn't bad, it just seemed like everyone expected a new Star Wars movie so they sat down at their word processor and banged it out between watching Friends reruns.

Nominal - 2017-12-20

I wouldn't be at all surprised to find out that these movies were really fan kickstarters that raise $200 million to bring the very best wookiepedia fanfiction articles to the big screen.

After running the scripts through the Whedon-o-matic.

Maggot Brain - 2017-12-20

My Gundam/Star Wars cross-over was way better than this!

garcet71283 - 2017-12-21

The wookipedia fanfiction's (read: Expanded Universe) absence is precisely what everyone is complaining about. Expanded Universe is dead, long live the Canon Universe.

Also, the Star Trek TNG vs. Star Wars fanfiction will always be the best.

dairyqueenlatifah - 2017-12-20


namtar - 2017-12-21

Five stars for Star Wars fans getting something different than a simple rehash of Empire Strikes Back and still hating it.

For a popcorn adventure film mainly aimed at children, it was a solid C+, maybe B, but I guess anything short of "Luke Skywalker taking down the entire First Order with his laser sword" is rage inducing to the Star Wars fandom.

I'm hoping they'll re-extend an offer to David Lynch to direct another Star Wars movie and really piss them off.

Quad9Damage - 2017-12-21

George Lucas self-finances three prequels, but he is too prideful to let anyone at all help him with his writing. The movies suck and don't feel anything like the Star Wars trilogy. Fans scream and throw concession snacks at him until he signs his franchise over to Disney in a fit of humiliation. "Ha ha, FUCK YOU old man, we're getting our Star Wars back!"

TFA comes out. "Wait, that felt too much like Star Wars. Hold on, that WAS Star Wars! Bring Lucas back! We were wrong!"

TLJ comes out. "Oh now that was NOT Star Wars like we remembered it and you've really pissed us off now, Disney. TFA was great by comparison. How dare you portray our beloved hero as being a flawed human!? We bought Fandago tickets to watch him swing his light saber at the end in slow motion over Kanye West's "Power." FUCCCKKK YOOUUEEEEEEU."

Yeah, I get that Lucas is a controlling egomaniac and Disney is a cold, sterile room full of suits. But fandoms suck. They have always sucked.

Maggot Brain - 2017-12-21

Does the world really need another DUNE movie?

cognitivedissonance - 2017-12-21

Whatever pisses in the mouths of the Internet’s worst people is fine by me.

garcet71283 - 2017-12-21

I'm with you, the Star Wars fandom has become increasingly insufferable in the post-prequel years.

It's a movie about space nazis vs space wizards, I think the writer/director can be allowed some creative license.

Chancho - 2017-12-21

The end of this review is the best trashing of Stah Wahs fans I've seen in years.

Quad9Damage - 2017-12-21

I didn't hate it.

The movie is a fun popcorn space adventure with decent writing but the unfortunate pratfalls of 1). Having way too much going on at once for the brain to process and 2). Still not explaining how Rey gets to be a level 20 Jedi Wizard when she comes from faceless space rednecks and 3). Cringe inducing forced humor. That prank phone call to the Star Destroyer made me uneasy in my seat.

It does feel like Rian Johnson threw out a lot of what J.J. Abrams set up. According to IMDB Abrams will be back to write and direct Episode IX instead of Jurassic World guy, so with any luck (and barring intervention from the Disney board room) he'll reinstate and tie up his threads.

Sexy Duck Cop - 2017-12-21

It was a Star Wars movie centered on thr theme of moving on from the past and learning to embrace change.

For some reason, this touched a nerve with die-hard Star Wars fans. Can't imagine why.

memedumpster - 2017-12-21

I still haven't seen this.

If it's like Star Trek Discovery, it's better than the fans deserve and only exists to out your friends as narcissist authoritarian hate-bastards you can safely remove from your life.

garcet71283 - 2017-12-21

It's nothing like Star Trek Discovery.

Which means you should see it.

Maggot Brain - 2017-12-21

If anything they tried to make Star Wars into The End of Evangelion they just didn't take it far enough. If Rey was eaten by zombie storm toppers and Luke turned everyone into orange jello it would have made more sense.

BHWW - 2017-12-21

The Last Jedi is fatally flawed, ignoring all of the professional clickbait-erati and forum posters demanding to know why user ratings on sites like Rotten Tomatoes are much, much lower on average than "professional" critic reviews and floating ideas about Gamergate conspiracies and Russian bots - as well as eye-glazing think pieces chalking the negative response up to "toxic masculinity" or how The Last Jedi is the appropriate response to "mansplaining".

I skipped on the last two star wars films in the theater but saw TLJ with a group and I thought at the very least that Disney would produce a soulless, glib, but mildly entertaining movie with a slick sheen similar to one of your Marvel CU productions. But this thing is an incoherent mess on nearly every level. It has all the worst elements of designed by committee assembly-line corporate product but lacks the baseline competent craftsmanship. The story's incoherent. The actions and motivations of the characters are incoherent, the very existence of this movie is incoherent.

First off, the pacing is clumsy. Scenes don't build to a crescendo, don't gain momentum, and the cuts are inexplicable and often jarring. The original Star Wars, thanks to the work in editing by Marcia Lucas and Richard Chew, drives forward with confident cuts that keep the story moving swiftly. The Last Jedi plods in an amateurish, film school way. Of the movie's many flaws, this one is the most surprising and baffling. How many professionals laid eyes on this product before it was released? It's amazing that something this inept escaped from a major studio with billions riding on its success. It feels like sound and visual effects were added to a second cut or a rough assembly. Aside from a few faster-paced stretches during the final half hour, The Last Jedi clunks and plods along in hapless fits and starts.

The plot and characters are similarly incoherent. Do I even need to elaborate here? Plot holes. Leaps of logic. Characters making uncharacteristic choices. Decades of byzantine Star Wars nerd lore trampled upon. Don't get me wrong: in a way I almost admire Rian Johnson's approach. He isn't afraid to be iconoclastic. He killed characters on a whim and avoided the J.J. Abrams style of Overly Precious Franchise Reverence. In fact, the movie's actually interesting when Adam Driver's character hints, suggests new directions the franchise could go. However, for every almost clever subversion of audience expectations, there are more cheap and stupid ones undercutting it.

Letting the Original Trilogy characters die off-screen before TFA would have been more dignified than what has happened to them here, they're all old losers. I cannot believe they included that scene where Luke milks some space walrus/sloth's tits and drinks the blue stuff that squirts out and comes off like a homeless sex offender.

Also, that was another problem, the "humor" of TLJ - could five minutes go by WITHOUT some inane sitcom lines or crappy Whedonesque "snark" or droid or porg slapstick? By the way, congrats on the creation of the porgs, even more annoying than the Ewoks but serving no narrative purpose.

cognitivedissonance - 2017-12-21

Responding to accusations of mainsplaining by mansplaining.

BHWW - 2017-12-21

Oh yeah, I'll mansplain YOU, mansplain you up for good, mansplain you right into next week

Hazelnut - 2017-12-22

Wow cognitivedissonance, way to mansplain. I just. Ugh.

godot - 2017-12-22

The porgs were created because it was easier than digitally removing the puffins on Skellig Michael.

Space Odin - 2018-02-05

The original characters being old losers was fucking great, though. I saw this less than a month before I turned 40 and I have to say, sloppy ass island hobo Luke sucking off space walrus tits and complaining about his life being a fucking failure is what I really needed to feel better about my entire wasted adulthood. Jesus Christ, at least I can look back and go, "welp, it happened to Luke Skywalker." Except I never blue up a Death Star. Just an '87 Chevy Cavalier.

BHWW - 2017-12-22


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