| poeTV | Submit | Login   |

Reddit Digg Stumble Facebook

Help keep poeTV running


And please consider not blocking ads here. They help pay for the server. Pennies at a time. Literally.

Comment count is 36
SolRo - 2018-02-03

Oh, so that's why leaders stopped following their armies in to battle.

Also, praetorian guard are fickle as fuck.


SolRo - 2018-02-03

And the secret service could learn from them...


Marlon Brawndo - 2018-02-04

Elagabalus was notable for being the only crossdressing emperor, and among his achievements was making a bunch of prostitutes and street people Senators. He was actually killed by a mob who drowned him in the Tiber river. I want to make a movie about him, because he was really one of those fun emperors that just came in with an entourage of cool Eastern sun worshipers but people just didn't "get" him. He was way too cool for Rome.


Marlon Brawndo - 2018-02-04

That was not meant to be a reply.

The Secret Service needs more badass edged weapons.


GravidWithHate - 2018-02-04

Apparently they tended to just kill the dumbass emperors.


garcet71283 - 2018-02-04

I was actually surprised how many died of natural causes and “odema”.

Is odema how the the Romans diagnosed “dying from being a fat fuck”?


fedex - 2018-02-04

Constantine I for the win


Adjuvant - 2018-02-04

Oedema (or edema) was probably heart failure


cognitivedissonance - 2018-02-04

MB: Contrarily, there was Otho, who started life as a slimy crony of Nero, and was emperor for a few months during the Year of Four Emperors. He turned out to be a really good emperor who committed suicide in order after he lost 40,000 troops in a battle against Vitellius. He was so deeply struck by the tragedy that he owned up to it and died by his own hand. Everybody loved him, he was one of the good ones.


memedumpster - 2018-02-03

Strangled to death by a wrestler is how I would want my imperial reign to end, with the obituary reading "of course he fucking was."


SolRo - 2018-02-03

He got killed by a gladiator, and not the one played by Russell Crow.


memedumpster - 2018-02-03

It's not about him.


SolRo - 2018-02-04

Well yeah, duh, it's not about Russell Crow.


memedumpster - 2018-02-04

All I'm sayin' is, what happens in my imagination with Roddy Piper and Randy Savage is between me and the Roman senate.


Meerkat - 2018-02-06

If I were to die stranged by a wrestler I would first change my name to "Medtob" or "Urist" something or other.


garcet71283 - 2018-02-04

Killed by a Lightning strike.

Seriously, what are the chances?


SolRo - 2018-02-04

probably stabbed by lightning in the chest multiple times.


garcet71283 - 2018-02-04

Ah, the standard issue lightning of the Praetorian guard.


Raggamuffin - 2018-02-04

maybe he was more conductive because of all the daggers stuck in his back?


Old_Zircon - 2018-02-04

I posted my response below by accident, but in the mid 2000s I worked with someone who was nonfatally struck by lightning twice in one summer.


Space Odin - 2018-02-04

Metal armor?

To be fair, "lightning" isn't certain, there seem to be conflicting records. But Carus WAS campaigning against the Sassanids at that point.


duck&cover - 2018-02-04

These are the emperors that died, died
These are the emperors that died, died
They were all emperors of Rome, and they died!


memedumpster - 2018-02-04

☆☆☆☆☆


fedex - 2018-02-04

Hostilian is the best name ever.


Old_Zircon - 2018-02-04

Commodus is the shittiest one.


Marlon Brawndo - 2018-02-04

I always thought it was funny that Mel Brooks' character from History of the World part 1 was named Comedicus because it just made me picture him in Gladiator.


Space Odin - 2018-02-04

I work for a data analysis company and as part of my new hire process I had to learn the software. For my test dataset I used "Western Emperors, their reigns, and causes of death." I had to edit it a bit and some of the fields were bullshit. "Method of death: Suicide. Cause of death: Praetorian Guard."

Nope, that's not suicide.

The "struck by lightning" outlier was my favorite, though.


Old_Zircon - 2018-02-04

Electricity is weird. I used to work with a guy who was struck by lighting TWICE in a three month period in high school, and because of how it hit him the only lasting effect was a burn scar about 1" x 4" on one of his shins.


I was personally electrocuted with full mains power through the head and chest around 2006 and it didn't do a thing to me other than feeling REALLY bad and giving me a scare. Left temple, through the brain, down the chest and out the right hand to ground. I was pretty shaken up for about 15 minutes (especially because I was alone when it happened, so it was a really close call), shook it off, and continued with band practice like normal. Never suffered any ill effects at all.

Do you have any idea WHY Roman emperors were getting struck by lightning?


Old_Zircon - 2018-02-04

Ooops, that was supposed to be a reply to the other "killed by a lightning strike" thread above.


betabox - 2018-02-04

I knew a guy who was hit by lightning twice during one storm.

And no, you weren't electrocuted.


Marlon Brawndo - 2018-02-04

If he was struck by lightning, that would have been seen as a decision by the gods to off him, what with the Zeus/Jove imagery that was bound to suggest and all. So if he was really killed by lightning it is likely that his troops would try and suggest he died another way so history didn't remember their boss was struck down in divine fashion.


cognitivedissonance - 2018-02-04

Something about being contrary to the workings of the Holy Spirit, m'thinks.

See also: Herod the Great, who was "smote with worms".


cognitivedissonance - 2018-02-04

BONUS: Emperor Valerian had molten gold poured down his throat after being taken prisoner by the Persians, and then they flayed his skin, stuffed it, and put his stuffed skin in the rafters of the Persian temple, where it remained for centuries.


Monkey Napoleon - 2018-02-04

I love stories like that.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cadaver_Synod

is a doozy. Less violent, but way more ridiculously punitive.


Hazelnut - 2018-02-05

That's wild, but way more insane is that Diocletian RETIRED, LIVED HIS LIFE OUT PEACEFULLY AND DIED OF OLD AGE.


betabox - 2018-02-05

No way. That is TOO OUT THERE!


Register or login To Post a Comment







Video content copyright the respective clip/station owners please see hosting site for more information.
Privacy Statement