What you need to do is stab it with a poisonous hummingbird.

Lucky for her it seemed more curious than pissed off.

One of these things just killed a guy in Florida. Because of course it did, it had to be Florida. That shit never happens in Idaho.

No one should be keeping these things as fucking pets. They are primitive dinosaur birds descended from highly carnivorous subbranches of giant birds that were 8 feet tall and were among Earth's top predators for millions of years. There are only a very few left in the wild. They are very rare and endangered. Stay the fuck away from cassowaries.

you just repeated a fake youtube title. topical thou.