...aaand spiderturtle tag takes it to five stars.

A turtle does what zombies in resident evil 3 could not.

5 for the kip up!

Can he swing from a web?
No he can't, cause he's a turtle.

Five stars for "PLOP"

It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead.

Do you make up these questions, Mr. Holden? Or do they write 'em down for you?

Wow, I used to think my turtle was utterly helpless when flipped over.

Now I understand that it is a mere sissy.

Goddamn snapping turtles, sneaking into our country.

i like turtles.

now hes gonna lie in that water trap at the 13th hole and wait for you to try and get your ball

Is he strong? Listen bub,

NO ONE IS SAFE NOW

NO ONE

...and it gets down just like I thought it would.

Obligatory ninja joke.

These guys were kinda wussy on Mario Brothers. Into the lava with you Fence Turtle.

There are more things in heaven and earth... You know, I'm not sure even Hamlet had fence-climbing turtles in mind.

Nice dismount

I'm never going outside again.

So much for my man-eating turtle defense plan.

Aiiieee!

poeTV has taught me that turtles are damn persistent

Is there anything they CAN'T do?

Something happened at the Brooklyn Zoo once, and it escaped out into Prospect Park. I almost got to see a boy put his fingers near it trying to pick it up and put it back in the pond, thinking it was a regular turtle. But my damn moral code made me go and stop him and explain his fingers would've been snatched from his hand in a fountain of blood.

Damn moral code.

On a side note, The Brooklyn Zoo loses all it's animals. All the fucking time. That's what the guy who picked up the turtle told me before they put it back in it's cage.

Mark Twain was wrong!

INDETERMINATELY-AGED OTHERWISE-UNREMARKABLE NINJA TURTLES!

Nightmares in a half-shell - TURTLE POWER.

Adapting to environment.

That's... pretty remarkable.