wouldn't god, in fact, be satan and vice versa. why war against oneself?

really, the greeks and norse made more sense than the christians. at least their gods were relateable.

p.s. that being said, i will say that Christianity gives an ok moral compass, if you ignore the homophobia, fear of progress and "justified" bloodshed.

You're right. The Norse had the right idea there, too- justify violence? Why would you have to JUSTIFY something that's so much fun?

Five stars for "...but what if THEY were WRONG?" Now all they need to do is an investigative report on rift fairies and ghost dongs and we'll be set!

There were in fact sects of Christians who believed that in the end God would empty Hell and even redeem Satan. These people werre thankfully label heretics and destroyed about 1500 years ago.

Not all of them--1 Enoch contains that bit of information, and it's included in the broader canon of the Ethiopian Orthodox Church.

In the inscription on the gates of Hell, Dante wrote that it included the phrase 'God's Love made this place.' He built it to cast away those who disobey him and are unjust.

The lessons of Jesus are truly astounding. The rest is a load of codswallop.

Dante keeps saying how they're kind of lonely because the soul longs for God, but it really doesn't seem like a bad fate at all. Plus, you get to hang with Socrates and Plato and co. Pretty good crowd to spend eternity with.

Especially considering the other levels.

That was centuries ago, though. Now the place is probably filled wall-to-wall with aborted babies.

Do they? I was never entirely clear on that point- I took the "Dante's Inferno Test" and got sent to Limbo, but I'm not sure how canon that test was. I thought (and I could be wrong here) that Limbo was reserved for virtuous PAGANS who, either because they lived before Christ or had the misfortune of being born in West Mbutuland and never heard of the wonders of Our Lord and Savior, couldn't get into heaven even though they were otherwise good people. Folks who DID know about God and Jesus and all that good stuff, but consciously chose to reject Him, weren't they classified as heretics? Sent to, what was it, Dis, where they'd be entombed in flaming coffins for all eternity, irregardless of how they lived? From what I gathered (and again, it's been awhile since I boned up on Dante's opinion of atheists) Limbo was there for people who could use ignorance as an excuse- you've heard of Jesus, and you "know" He's God (or at least you know that other people tell you He's God), so the best you can hope for is getting stuck with the Protestants and Scientologists.

As for aborted babies, don't they wind up in Paradise, way up in Empyrean? Or is that just the baptised ones?

According to the Day of Doom, all unbaptized babies (or as Wigglesworth calls them in the margin, "reprobate infants") still go to hell, but Jesus does allow them to be confined in "the easiest room in hell." He's a soft touch, that Jesus.

i think you probably know better than i do, but i believe that the virtuous pagans were supposed to include atheists and were not in limbo but the first ring. including Plato and the rest would suggest that they were at least aware of Judaism (the old testament ticket to heaven, or at least Abraham's breast), therefore knew the "one true god" yet rejected him while still living a good life. but i think this point is open to opinion, since Dante didn't exactly leave a directors commentary.

limbo i remember as being a place where folks chased after a banner on a field of maggots in a hideous game of capture the flag, which could also be fun.

Even old Jews weren't invited into heaven before Jesus, Dante mentions J-dog coming back and taking some of the better ones up to Heaven after his crucifiction.

I think Dante's rules were more like guidelines. The angel who guards Purgatory was once a pagan, who killed himself after leading an unsuccessful rebellion against the leadership of his country. That could put him in limbo, the seventh circle, or the ninth circle, but instead he becomes an angel.

Also, Dante freaking climbed up the colossal body of Satan himself... I think he trumps 23 minutes.

Well, all I could find so far on Dante and atheism was that William Blake apparently thought Dante was one, and unbaptised children get sent to Limbo with Plato. Knowing Plato and his attitude towards children, of course, this is very, VERY cruel.

So folks, if you're planning on getting an abortion, for God's sake stick some holy water up your snatch before you do it!

Einstürzende Neubauten did an album about Dante's Hell, with John Peel as narrator, for those curious. http :// blog.wfmu.org/freeform/2007/02/radio_theater_v.html

There are many versions of hell.

As many as it takes to justify each nutzo's halucination as a part of "the real hell!!"

This is less funny when you realize they tell little kids this shit all the time to get them to convert. It worked on me.

If you were a bible thumper you'd be, by definition, incapable of skepticism.

Actualy, you'd be skeptical of everything

Everything that has empirical evidence backing

OH SOLRO YOU ARE THE VERY SOUL OF WIT

Howie Mandel?

You're gullible enough to believe in intelligent design but this is too much for you?

This is more than too much. It's simply shameful.

It worries me that my father, an incredibly sensible and well-educated man, does the same thing. I try to chalk it up to the older generations seeking some comfort from a world that has changed into something unfamiliar to them, but things like this clip make it hard to justify that explanation.

You're not alone, brother. As heartless as it sounds we just have to wait for them to die off.

Now with rating.

Oh man, I'd love for Fox to do a piece just like this on like, fairies or Valhalla or reptilian shapeshifters. They could bring in book authors and have experts in the studio and everything. Viewers would be outraged even though this is the same exact fairytale stuff with a different theology.

I think being exposed to this bullshit everyday has sort of made America numb to the complete absurdity of it.

Next on Fox, we talk with women whose babies were stolen by reptoids. Homosexual reptoids!

"Some skeptics say that Reptoids are God-fearing, law abiding, and heterosexual, just like you and I. BUT WHAT IF THEY ARE WRONG? Tonight we look at a man who says he dreamt about Reptoids, and claims he saw them kidnap children and force those children into homosexual lifestyles."

-cue guy in suit talking over a space-themed photo montage-

"And they were just... snakes, who looked like men, and they were wearing pink muscle shirts and spandez running shorts. And I saw the cages with the children, and the young boys were being forced to listen to Barbara Streisand, and the young girls were watching football and reading Dworkin. Everything you can imagine that's gay."

Proper title for the segment though... I didn't believe anything the dude said.

Christian snakes don't go to Hell. But there's not many of them.

Well then Cheney is pretty well rehearsed.

For Cheney, Hell is a wide-open field of old men... and no ammo for his shotgun

Last night I dreamed I was treed by these horrible lizard-cat creatures. That's got to be worth at least two hundred pages.

I once spent three hours on acid getting raped by iguanas behind a dumpster in my mind. And I got bit by a Chest Spider and Buddha told me I was all wrong in the head.

Ever cook bacon?

So, delicious?

Catholicism is a type of Christianity, although they shouldn't be used interchangeably.

You're objection was either based on a need for accuracy, or idiot, redneck, Catholic bashing. Your comment history suggests the latter, although I'd be happy to be corrected.

"Catholicism" is a denomination of Christianity.

This whole spot makes no theological sense from any denominational perspective.