Just fall to the ground and spin! Wish I'd known that when I was abducted.

Black kids get left home alone. Asians like to cut through alleys.

This is fact.

1990? They exclaimed "Right on!" in 1990? I know it's Canada, but still.

What are those things around their necks? Some sort of Battle Royale exploding necklaces??

Bertram and Gertrude. With names like that, how could they NOT be cool?

Also, lie whenever possible.

They've got their little stalker watches tuned to every kid in the neighborhood. I'd be more afraid of them than some guy offering me a ride.

I don't see the down side to hot blonde perverts trying to catch you home alone.

HOLY SHIT BURT AND GERT! This is the long version they showed in school, they had shorter commercial length ones during cartoons as well. I have seen every one of these so many times I can mouth the words.

Even as a 6 year old I knew "Cool dudes wouldn't go off alone if they don't have to" is a gross misuse of the term "Cool dudes".

Are they related to Doctor Rabbit?