allcaps - 2009-06-08
I'm not even going to rate this. I was the biggest Bill Hicks fanboi ever back in the day, boring everyone with my awkward, "OMG there's this one bit that goes like, like, uh, okay are you listening? like..." I laughed myself horse pretending that I understood jokes about Dan Quayle and running from cops while high, while actually I was a pimply London kid who took the train. Later, taking my first trip on shrooms, I insisted on 5 dry grams. My friends thought I was insane, but Bill had said that's what it took, "what Terrence McKenna calls 'a heroic dose.'" Later, I even looked up who Terrence McKenna was and became all fanboi about HIM too, because of Bill (incidentally, McKenna calls 5 dry grams a MINIMUM dose; heroic is 7.5 grams plus.) Finally, years later, I was traveling through India, of all places, and met another English fanboi, just like myself. "Did you read, 'American Scream'?" he asked. Then, swelling up, he choked out, "I cried at the end of that book. I cried and cried." His girlfriend sat next to him, arms folded over her chest, clearly annoyed. I also cried at the end of that book, I said. It was a lie, I hadn't. Suddenly, looking at this guy, I thought, Fuck, I must look fucking ridiculous. I gave it up on the spot, the whole thing (McKenna stuck around a few more years.) I deleted all my hard-won MP3s, I lost the book somewhere, and I ain't looked back. TIME TO ADMIT IT GUYS: now everyone does his schtick, and everybody knows who he is. You're basically nerds, half a step removed from comic book collectors. Your peers are aging beardos and huffing adolescents who think they're hardcore. Punk rock is dead, AND SO IS BILL.
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