mmmmm cheese flavored block

No mangled japanese

Man, I just cannot get enough of Jack Bauer screaming at people.

The chocolate CalorieMate is the best of the lot, but the cheese one isn't bad either.

Well I'll be damned. It turns out that Jack just scarfs a couple CalorieMate bars during the commercial break.

Now do ones that tell us when he goes to the bathroom.

THIS CAMPAIGN IS SIMPLE SHIT, PEOPLE. GET A GUY IN THERE DUNKING THE FUCK OUT OF A BASKETBALL, ANOTHER GUY DOING A HANDPLANT ON THE EDGE OF THE MOTHERFUCKING GRAND CANYON AND ANOTHER GUY HAVING ANAL SEX WITH A SCREAMING MONSTER IN A HANG GLIDER.

YOU KNOW WHAT I FUCKIN MEAN?

He was still doing Ford commercials in Canada after his DUI

Jack Bauer will torture your family to death unless you eat CalorieMate

Jack lost all interest in disarming the bomb once the last scarfable was threatened, deciding instead to allow the building to blow up, because if he can't have the last one...

This is the least embarrassing Japanese commercial starring an American celebrity I've ever seen. They are losing their touch.