I saw the Parent Trap though... I don't understand.
Were Hayley Mills AND Hayley Mills both lying to me?

The police can help if you plant a nickel bag in your dad's suitcase and drop a dime on him. Then you stick a fork up ol' thermometer lane 'til you get some good scratches and bleeding and tell the cops your mom's new boyfriend molested you.

There, problem solved thanks to the police.

Oh no, The Thickeness doesn't take the blame on that one. He tried to steer Cameron away from public life after his conversion. Not his fault it didn't take.

P.S. This video makes me think about when I was a little kid and makes me sad as fuck.

Some kids of broken homes put glitter in their hair. Others set fires. Everyone is different.

some of us become strippers and others of us have sex with amusement parts rides.

Orko was He-Man's lame "relatable" character. It was the conventional wisdom in the 80s that every show had to have one of these.

I was always disappointed that we never got to see where the hell Orko came from, a land of disembodied, floating ghoul-clowns with strained voices.

Dude, they totally DID have an episode where they went to Orko's homeland. Everyone looked more or less like him, except for his girlfriend, who I think had a blonde ponytail out the back of her hat and possibly bright red lips. Also, maybe Orko's dad, who was Orko with a beard.

I remember it because Orko and Girl Orko made out at the end and even at age 7 I was creeped out by it.

I did not know that!

I don't necessarily remember Orko-land, but I do remember the Girl Orko and her blonde hair, and they lifted their hats and exposed their faces to each other, which in their culture was some serious soul-fucking.

I think Orko Land was a She-Ra episode.

There's also a freeze frame moment in She-Ra where they fuck up the animation on one of Madame Raz's pratfalls and her hat comes all the way up off her head. The weird part is that her face looks nothing like what the outline under the hat suggests.

Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
Your parents are divorced
Because they hate you.

We got feelings
And you know it's true
We got feelings
And we're so confused

I'm fiving your comment, Rodents, it made me laugh out loud.

And what's with the stuffed animal's tail looking like a flaccid, uncircumcised member @ 1:32?

I do genuinely like this bit of Alan's advice:
It's okay to feel mad, It's okay to say you're mad or sad. And it's alright to not feel bad about feeling mad or sad.

Or become a brilliant artist/musician.

I think he's masturbating to his own sorrow...
One time I saw him and he was just flipping through a copy of JUGGS and softly weeping.

not even the power of Grayskull. Fabulous secrets were revealed to me the day I held aloft my sword, and it STILL didn't bring my parents back together.

Oh, they used MUCH more than that!:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ikiE86gPUYE