He's always drunk and hard to work with

How does a scarecrow that smooth not already have love in his life? My only guess is that he works too much and doesn't have the time, but he's eating with friends, so he must have some free time.

I've given this more thought than it deserves, and I think his problem is that his smoothness is an act he puts on. When he's not on the make, he drives a BMW (don't tell me he doesn't possess an enchanted carriage) and I bet he spends all his time in front of a big-screen TV.

He's a big faker. He should take some lessons in sincerity from Worzel Gummidge.