I remember those books, they're the reason I'm not a ninja.

Both of these would be awesome Heat Actions for the next Yakuza game.

"Maybe the worst martial art technique I've seen, of all time, is this. I'm a ninja."

That about covers it.

I did a lot of facepalming for such a short video, one star per facepalm.

I think a better technique for the first one would just be to bludgeon your attacker into submission with your broken forearm.

The first technique would work only if you happen to be Riki-Oh.

Wait... its possible to break a baseball bat with my forearm? I've been trying to use my forehead this whole time!

What do you even call the second move? "Flamingo Changes the Channel?" "Raindrop Cuts A Bitch?"

One book move I recall was a scraping down the assailants shin with your foot and then stomping real hard on his instep. In the picture, the attacker is wincing in pain. In real life, I got my ass buffed.

I'm going to go look for videos to submit with the Black Ninja Knife tag.

So in other words this guy is a limp-dick intellectual who's reading books instead of kicking ass. Nice lisp, Stephen SeaGAY

Let go.

Did he lose the teeth to martial arts or hockey?

The only martial art technique I know is rather simple to pull off. First, I crouch down low to the ground then begin to lean forward slowly. Then, when I have barely any momentum started I rise up and take a slight bit of forward motion right before throwing a punch. The desired speed of the effect is determined by how hard I throw that punch. Usually, it's one of three levels; weak, medium, and fierce. At this point, I shout something in Japanese and a glowy blue fireball is hurled from my outstretched hands towards my opponent.

I'm not sure if it is from the same book as the last move, but one of those damn ninja books had an escape/evasion move where you sneak up behind the sentry, and tap him on one shoulder, while moving your head in the direction of the opposite one. The sentry will look in the direction of the tap side. Knowing he will then look toward the other side, you shift your weight to the first shoulder. Satisfied that nothing is going on, the sentry will then look straight forward, and you can continue on your skulking ways.

five throwing stars

I want an entire series of these. "Ridiculous Ninja Move of the Week."