"Don't grab a hot pan with a wet towel." How contemptuous this woman must be of her audience.

I can only imagine this is Shamwow Vince's ex-guidette sister who gave up on life after being yelled to leave the beach for being too old.

This banana bread recipe is a real boo boo, alright.

I want to see her versus Simply Sara in an iron chef cage match cook off to the death.

It's like a Mad TV skit but without the audience laughter

"This isn't a tooth pick, because I don't have tooth picks in my house.... Seriously, fuck tooth picks. If you like tooth picks just go to the damn supermarket and buy your shitty Banana bread there because that is all your tooth pick using self is worth"

The recipe, as presented:

1 cup RAW sugar. Fuck normal sugar, I'm a chef.
1 tablespoon some sort of fat. It could even be flavorless canola oil!
1 cup WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT! Wheat flour, oat flour, brown rice flour. Try to use something other than AP flour to maintain a level of pretentiousness. That way, people think you're a skilled chef who knows about all kinds of rare ingredients!
2 bananas, mashed. I mash them fancily. I recommend using the kind of bananas that I'm NOT using in this video.
1 egg. I mean if you want. They're totally optional when you bake.
[BUY MY BOOK] teaspoons baking powder, basking soda, and salt
1 teaspoon vanilla extract.
1/2 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips. They're good for you!

Put it in whatever you want. Round dishes are the most impressive!

Bake it at [BUY MY BOOK] degrees for exactly 30 minutes.

potentially capable of inducing a psychotic rage

keep away from schizophrenics

The health food hippie in me started getting very angry when it heard the words "canola oil" and "semi-sweet chocolate chips."

I don't care what the excuse is for whatever potential health benefits they might have in them they will not help a person lose weight.

I'm using wheat flour because i couldn't find the oat flour. I had passed out in the baking aisle and when I came to, I could only raise my bony head as high as the bottom shelf. Where the wheat flour is.

Here, I'm using my one egg for the month.

I don't have toothpicks in my house. I can't stand the competition.

Some evil force lobotomized Alton Brown and put his brain in a lady body!

Don't forget to make yourself throw up after you eat for extra calorie loss.

"You can make everything exactly as you want to make it."

What a lame aphorism.

She's what giants had in mind when the expression "I'll grind your bones to make my bread" came around.



Also I don't need the attitude lady. Just make the fucking bread already.

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8:25 AM Mar 25th via HootSuite

Semi-sweet is not dark, you fucking moron. It's still more sugar and oil than chocolate.