so fake

no "our future overlords" tag?

No 'Kung-fu Panda' joke?

yeahiknowitsnotapanda.

If I ever saw a bear do anything this cool in real life I would pretty much never leave the zoo.

The other bears can't know about this or we're all screwed.

And for the finale he gives himself a blowjob.

some upcoming video game is going to have a bear kick your ass with a stick

I would probably go to the zoo more if the animal handlers taught the animals to do tricks like this rather than sleep all day.

Heck, I'd pay extra to see the premium animals.

As if bears weren't dangerous enough already.

Shit, I can't do any of that, and I got thumbs!

Bears don't need weapons. They're BEARS.

The bear clearly has ear-mites. Dammit, why can't these people just understand what animals are trying to tell them? It's as plain as day. Ear-mites will actually burrow into the animal's brain if they are left untreated long enough. This is just animal cruelty, plain and simple. They should all be fired and then infected with ear-mites.

Somewhere in the audience is a wizened old man with a whispy beard and a bald head. He is watching intently, trying to learn the bear's secrets so he can win his upcoming duel with Kwan "Mantis-Fist" Kim.

"Who let the obelisk into the bear exhibit?!?"