Being omniscient and omnipresent, Jebus was well aware of their tribulations, but his unbridled narcissism prevented him from doing anything until enough of his spiritual catamites had lined along the edge of the ocean to beg him, for he was a kind Lord.

When Katrina hit New Orleans, it was God's divine judgment passing over a den of lasciviousness and paganism.

The oil spill, however, is merely a test of the spiritual fortitude of God's true (white) elect, and has nothing to do with His righteous fury over our incessant violation of His delicate ecological masterpiece.

There only hope is if God can see them from space.

I want to see the followup so I can see these people interviewed again after the oil hits. What are they gonna say when their god has done nothing to answer their prayers?

If this works, we're gonna look like assholes.

I bet 1/3 of these people will help clean up once the oil inevitably hits.

Oh LORD what if I have 50 miles of righteousness? 40? 30? 26! I've got 26, LORD, will that do?

Giving yourself the illusion of doing something about a problem without actually doing anything.

For some reason, the last 8 seconds made me want to punch the anchorwoman.

First off, what the fuck is OHL?

Second, "We're not going to take this lying down. We're going to come out here and fight!" Sure, but standing on the beach and talking to your imaginary friend. Thanks for the help, fatass.