I have found my g-spot. I have bruised it badly.

Darwin. He would use this as proof.

Cup, methinks.

I suppose it's good to be known for something.

When this guy is in the hospital watching TV he's going to see Bam Margera doing the exact same thing and he's going to be so fucking angry

I'll give you my gun when you pull it out of my cold, dead groin.

The adrenaline will cover the pain for a while, but those things WILL swell up eventually.

I read a study on the evolutionary biology/sociology of self inflicted genital mutilation in males and the stability of cultural institutions around sexuality. I wonder what this implies about that subject.

The upshot is that cultures where males submit to genital mutilation like circumcision were predicted to have stable sexual contracts, like marriage. The idea is that when you have stable access to one female, it is advantageous for everyone to submit to genital mutilation. Lothario is unlikely to impregnate your wife in one night, but you have many to try. Turns out a big study of primitive cultures bore out the results. Can't find the study now, though.

Okay, listen, do not watch this video drunk
Your empathy cortex will kick into like, TOP WHATEVER and your balls will hurt

Unless you're a girl, in which case did you enjoy both of your wine coolers girly?

Guns are not toys. Especially not sex toys.