My stars are entirely for the voice over job on this, the disaffected "I'm too goth for this 'How to be goth' video" tone made me laugh more than the ridiculously bad advice.

Ehhh, I might fuck that girl (despite being white).

Would you like to know more?

Ps. The Grateful Dead is not goth; do not by fooled by the many danse macabre-inspired album covers.

For similar reasons we must advise against reading beat authors. The small glimmer of hope and compassion that their absurdism couldn't hide was ultimately exploited by the hippies to fuel social progress. Does sound very goth to you? Of course not.

Still better than emo.

I have never met a person who considered themselves to be a goth who wasn't really bubbly, a little stupid, and thoroughly annoying. Where are all the stereotypical goths that hang out in graveyards and read?

Goddammit.