If I were president, the urge to embarass people by talking about my nutsack and bunghole would be OVERWHELMING.

Large Balls Johnson

The belch in the middle of a sentence is perfect. Also, he's "gotta run for a funeral". I really hope this is real.

Mr. President, why don't you just order two sets of pants: one set when you're fat, and one set when you're fatter?

"Our pants will take good care of your balls and bunghole. Just ask LBJ."

Seems legit:

http://americanradioworks.publicradio.org/features/prestapes/l bj_haggar.html

LBJ carried a knife? I bet the secret service doesn't let the president carry one any more.

I was going to submit this, but it's kind of a dupe.

Also, bunghole.

"I've slept with more women on accident than John Kennedy has slept with on purpose." - Lyndon B. Johnson

THAT WAS SOME GOVERNMENT YOU COULD BELIEVE IN, RIGHT THERE. fuck yeah.

Now there's probably a committee to order the President's pants, and a pack of shifty-eyed agents wearing black shoes and white shirts carry his pocketknife and change.

I learned something today.

The backstory is that LBJ put in a recording device to the oval office and would tell his secretary when to turn it on. He would use the recordings to remember important official conversations. The recording of his phone call to Jackie O' on the day of JFK's funeral is very touching and is preserved at the National Archives.

The problem is that the secretary would often forget to turn the recorder off so there were reels and reels of emptiness punctuated by conversations like this one.

The unintended benefit was that Nixon thought it was also a good idea to record phone conversations and well... you know.

Soooooooo good.