A what machine?

what was George Costanza's? oh yeah Greatest American Hero: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=caoYdiq3kak

Once upon a time, there was a market for this product.

Yup, pretty evil there.

Guaranteed to reduce incoming calls by 45% or your money back!

I think They Might Be Giants almost released this as an actually album.

To paraphrase a wise man, if Da Vinci were alive today he would neither paint nor sculpt. He would make answering machine messages.

7 messages for 15 dollars. Judging that no message seems to be more than 15 seconds...

~.57 per minute's worth of phone related puns.

For the Thanksgiving one.

They rhymed "tone" with "intone." I didn't think...that it could be done.