I wish I got paid 100$ whenever me and my friends got into fights.

How to fight: Lesson One

I wish I was a rich asshole so fat guys would beat each other up for my amusement.

A true hero.

I wonder if James Spader ever wonders why he always gets cast as the weird, pompous ass

I'd get into WAY more fights if I got paid. I think this is the principle behind the UFC, too.

Remember kids, for the right price you can buy anything.