I'm sure you're not getting it, and I'm not sure I can make it any clearer. I'm not an expert at this stuff. It's not about appearance. That would be a video of make-up tips. This is about how you feel about yourself.

I grew up believing I was good looking, and that belief is more important than how I actually look. It helps me live in the world. I always feel handsome, even when I know I look like shit. It's a good way to feel, and I think that people who grow up feeling ugly should be able to feel this. I think people who are ACTUALLY ugly should be able to feel this. It's all subjective anyway.

I feel handsomer now, at 63, than I was 21, although, I know damn well, I'm actually LESS handsome... but I'm stronger and more comfortable with myself. That's what this is really about.

there is absolutely a pragmatic advantage to looking good in the eyes of other people. superficial stuff matters

@Sputum: Superficial stuff has no *direct* pragmatic advantage though, that's more or less the meaning of the word; no matter how pretty you are it wont help u harvest potatoes faster.

Also that indirect value comes about through harmful mechanisms that we ideally want to avoid.
1. Sort of market forces. Eg. If you're superhot then you can sell gamer-gurl bathwater and use the money to buy many potatoes. But, groups of humans valuing a thing still does not magically imbue it with actual physical utility. Not too long ago people were trading the value of millions of potatoes for a digital low quality monkey drawing. Or a house for some tulips. Basically, markets are stupid, being beholden to them is something we should ideally avoid.
2. Our base instincts. Our built-in instincts oblige us treat prettier people nicer. But the same instincts will cause us to be racist, sexist, xenophobic, misunderstand science, believe in nonsense and also rape and kill and conduct war. We should understand our instincts as thoroughly as possible, and then use that knowledge to build a society that will nullify their negative effects as much as possible. Basically, human instincts are stupid (in the current civilised milieu), being beholden to them is something we should ideally avoid.

...

Also in the purely personal domain, just from a mental health point of view. I think its a good idea to be a stoic. What other people perceive and think is out of your control. Caring about that would ultimately lead you to waste your life and leave u demented. Check out the Enchiridion by Epictetus.

>>>What other people perceive and think is out of your control.

And that's why I get to decide whether I'm beautiful or not. How you perceive yourself is not entirely out of your control, and it is not entirely superficial. The message here is very much FUCK WHAT OTHER PEOPLE PERCEIVE AND THINK.

There are real world reasons why trans in particular deserve to tell themselves they're beautiful.

I think most ugly people can decide to be beautiful. Not like the elephant man, perhaps, but like Mick Jagger, or Luis Guzman. Luis Guzman is pretty ugly, yet I found him pretty convincing as Gomez Addams, married to Catherine Zeta-Jones as Morticia, and I almost started to think of him as less ugly.

I do see your point but everything is a balance. We live in a society and if you truly didn't give a fuck what other people thought of you, you'd probably act like an asshole all the time. "I don't give a fuck what other people think about me" is a battlecry for horrible selfish fuck-you-got-mine libertarians.

Beauty is part genetics, but it's also a sign of a person who generally takes care of themselves so it's not just a shallow and evil metric.

Also, don't knock instincts. Our desire for happiness is an instinct. The universe doesn't have some sort of mystical prescription for how we should spend our time or form our values. It's all founded on inborn instinct.

@Sputum yah good points. I agree the best solution to anything is usually a balance. I guess I feel that our current society has a position that is far too biased towards the superficial for our own good. Its definitely not an optimal balance imo, so I am arguing strenuously in favour of the opposing view.

>>>I do see your point but everything is a balance. We live in a society and if you truly didn't give a fuck what other people thought of you, you'd probably act like an asshole all the time. "I don't give a fuck what other people think about me" is a battlecry for horrible selfish fuck-you-got-mine libertarians.

We were talking about beauty, not ethics. Besides, it's not really about not valuing what other people think , it's valuing what YOU think more.

>>>I feel that our current society has a position that is far too biased towards the superficial for our own good.

I think that's the influence of capitalism. Superficial things are easy to sell.

> I feel that our current society has a position that is far too biased towards the superficial for our own good. Its definitely not an optimal balance imo, so I am arguing strenuously in favour of the opposing view.

true, and that makes sense

People's impression of you affects how they treat you, and you can affect that impression by how you present yourself.

I mean, look at Sam Bankman-Freid. He dressed and presented himself as an archetypal eccentric silicon valley quantitative genius, and that's what people assumed he was; so much so that he was able to scam billions of dollars off people.

I'm not saying that it's good that people judge others based on appearances, just that A) they do, B) one should care about how people react to you, and C) presenting yourself to affect this reaction is a useful skill.

Seems like I posted this twice, but it bears repeating