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Desc:How bad can it be?
Tags:hulk, Hercules, Epic, lou ferigno, sword and sandal
Submitted:John Holmes Motherfucker
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Comment count is 15
betamaxed - 2014-07-23
Stars for one of Menahem and Yoram's greatest attempts to destroy the braincells of all mankind.
John Holmes Motherfucker - 2014-07-24
Excellent use of the Superman IV credits.

infinite zest - 2014-07-24
Still probably better than the new one.
Binro the Heretic - 2014-07-24
Most likely.

Because the new one is trying to be all cheesy and campy on purpose. You can't set out to deliberately create something like that, it has to happen naturally.

infinite zest - 2014-07-24
I know I'm kind of answering my own question but why exactly are they remaking this? I didn't see it but Clash of the Titans was at least intriguing: kids might laugh at the Harryhausen effects the same way as I laughed at the original Star Trek while enamored by the original Titans'. From the previews anyway, the effects don't look that much better than the ones in Kevin Sorbo's series, and I doubt he yells out "DISAPPOINTED" halfway through.
John Holmes Motherfucker - 2014-07-24
I suspect that the most important reason why Wikipedia mentions 36 feature films with the name "Hercules" in the title (in addition to the Kevin Sorbo series and the animated series I used to watch as a kid) is that the character is 1) a known quantity and 2) public domain. Also, Hercules lives in a special fantasy myth/realm where anything goes. There's an Italian Hercules movie that borrows liberally from Sophocles, while others seem to have a distinct sci-fi orientation. Also, as long as producers need vehicles for male actors who used to be athletes or bodybuilders, the name of Hercules, and his mighty exploits will live on in the will live on in the low-budget legends of men.

John Holmes Motherfucker - 2014-07-24
Ugh. Fucked up my post.

infinite zest - 2014-07-24
Oh yeah. Forgot about the public domain thing. I couldn't find a list of historical figures, but a list of films. So I could make It's A Wonderful Life, Little Shop of Horrors and could've made my own Superman sometime shortly before 1969!

I also answered my followup question, "then why in the actual fuck didn't Asylum.. oh wait."


This one looks better than The Rock's too.

infinite zest - 2014-07-24
Maybe it won't be that bad; so far it's like 75% fresh on Rotten Tomatoes and I genuinely like the Rock's charisma. He's also one of the few wrestlers-turned-actors who seem capable of taking on serious roles (For example, "Hulk Hogan IS.. Professional Wrestler Hulk Hogan Is OUT OF HIS ELEMENT WHEN HE ADOPTS A RAG TAG GROUP OF ORPHANS" or "Rowdy Roddy Piper IS.. Probably The Reason You're Seeing 'They Live!!'"

Mr. Rock has distanced himself from the ring almost like Mark Whalberg has from his Marky Mark moniker, both of whom were excellent in the Michael Bay film everyone else hates so I won't mention it. People will still call them The Rock and Marky Mark, but it's not advertised that way on posters. That's why it's sad to see Mr. Rock taking on probably the most cliche "Superhero" movie for a big guy with muscles to take on.

EvilHomer - 2014-07-24
Was that Michael Bay movie awful? I just saw the Half in the Bag review for it, and they absolutely savaged the poor film, but in a way that suggested it might not be quite as terrible as other Michael Bay films. (they were in a huff because they thought the film was "mean spirited" and "offensive", which are usually codewords that mean "we're humorless old farts, but if you don't have a stick up your ass, you might actually enjoy it".)

It's Michael Bay, though, so I can't imagine how it could be any good.

infinite zest - 2014-07-24
I always defend Pain and Gain. It's not a cinematic treasure but it's a true story I vicariously lived through just like the OJ chase scene and subsequent trial and then immediately forgot about, so the nostalgia factor is fairly high. On a cinematic level it shares a lot with Bay films, complete with bass-drops followed by slow-mo explosions, but also interrupts itself several times reminding the audience that yes, this is a true story. To be honest it shares a lot stylistically with Wolf of Wall Street.

Ed Harris and Tony Shaloub are great, and Whalberg, Mackie and Mr. Rock are great as bumbling roided-out would-be-criminal masterminds-cum-three-stooges. What's funny is I'm good friends with Jay and Mike. We all used to work at the same movie theatre in Milwaukee and live a few blocks from each other and we'd have conversations like this all the time. For context the theatre was an "art-house" theatre, and although I looked it up and they're currently showing Trans4mers it was usually oscar bait with a few great movies in-between. What this meant is we were incredibly jaded: "Danny Boyle" meant overtime without pay and "No Country For Old Men" meant working on Thanksgiving. As such we were the most jaded critics in the world: to me the film was a more truthful, funnier, explosive and fun version of Burn After Reading, but I guess since that was the Coen Brothers you kind of have to like it. If Bay had put an Alan Smithee on the movie I'll bet people wouldn't have it as much.

Scrimmjob - 2014-07-24

The best Hercules!
infinite zest - 2014-07-24
Agreed. I can't watch it now but I don't think I've seen a full episode of MST3K since the late 90s.

BHWW - 2014-07-24
The sequel is even cheesier and lamer.
Jet Bin Fever - 2014-07-25
This movie is awesome. Is it this one or the sequel where he throws the bear into outer space making Ursa Major?
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