And talented. And funny. But she still won't write me back. So I think she must be gay.

I saw her first!

She's really really short. Very tiny. I worked on a set with her and towered over like a rape monster. It was awkward becasue her personality makes her seem like a towering goddess of some kind.

Tiny fey?

"Very tiny"? She's 5'4. I'm not even 5'2, you gigantic rape-monstering freak.

She not only has the voice, but the vacant uncomprehending stare. It's eerie.

Her legs. Holy jeeez.

She's short? Cool, it'll look big in her tiny hands.

She just looks tiny compared to her personality is all I meant. 5'4 isn't that short but it's short. I'm 6'2 so I guess I'm kinda tall.

Dude it doesn't matter; she's totally gay. Which is AWESOME.

I heard baleen towers over Mayberry pancakes like some sort of towering rape monster.

Mayberry, 5'4" is tiny.. 5'2" and under is "elven" which is hotter, so don't stress it. Just always carry a knife.

Anything under 5'8 is wee.

He's a professional makeup artist. Stay in school, kids!

Can't you make a lot of money doing that sort of thing? Aestheticians make more than people think.

Prostitutes and drug lords make a lot of money too. I kid, though. It's a perfectly respectable profession, and there just aren't enough gay "aestheticians" out there these days.

Some folks call it a sling blade, I call it a kaiser blade.